white christmas

Got my white Christmas and it snowed even more last night. Is beautiful. Supposedly dumped 2 feet of new snow up on the pass, and we got at least six inches here at Mom's house. The picture is her front yard and looking across the street.

Being home is an interesting experience. When I got to Portland it felt like I'd never left, which was a little disappointing. I'd been hoping for a sweet ache of satisfaction after wanting, desperately at times, to be home again for so long. In the end I decided that what it means is that home will always be home. I will always belong in Portland. This is a relief. Deep in my heart, part of me has been worried that while I am in Spain my friends and family will learn to live without me and Portland will change to such a degree that there will be no place for me when I return. It is very important to me to belong somewhere and to have friends that bring out the best in me. Feeling like I never left has put those fears to rest and has made it possible for me to look on the next six months with a healthier, more optimistic attitude.

I have not written a word of the novel since I've been back. I haven't made time for it. But I don't feel too terribly guilty about that. I'll have plenty of time for writing when I first get back to Madrid, and beyond that the novel is something I'm doing in Madrid to help me channel all the feelings of anxiety, angst, confusion, etc. that come along with culture shock. It's my therapy to keep me sane abroad.

Time with the family has been what it always is: both comforting and challenging. We do best together when we're involved in a specific activity (walking, watching a movie, playing a game), but when we're all left to our own devices, people start competing for attention and that's when things get hairy. I have spent more time than you might think reading or hanging out in a corner by myself. I feel a little guilty about this because I know that this is the only time in nine months I will see my family, but on the other hand I don't want to lose my patience and have my interactions with family members be full of snippy comments and argument. Is a hard thing to balance.

in the Newark airport

So far have been traveling (including time it took to get to the airport) for approximately 13.5 hours. Ack! Our plane left Madrid about an hour late, but we arrived in Newark only 30 minutes behind schedule. Was surprised that passport control and customs were so friendly and non-threatening. Guess I am used to being treated with some hostility, though I suppose I only really have my England experience for reference.

When I checked in at Barajas this morning they gave me my boarding pass for the Newark-Portland flight also, and my ticket informed me that my flight time had been changed. Originally I was supposed to fly out of here at 5 something and arrive at PDX at 9pm, but now I'm not flying out until 7:25pm and arriving at PDX a little before 11pm. Nutters. I like airports and don't really mind waiting around, but I am anxious to get back to Oregon. But am happy to be back in the U.S. anway, which is odd because I was so impatient to leave it behind. Guess I have a newfound appreciation for my country. It's so clean and civilized, and people actually make an effort to appear friendly when you speak to them.

I cried a little in the Barajas airport this morning because I am so grateful to be coming home. I slept a lot on the plane, watched some TV, and tried to imagine going back to Madrid in two weeks. My heart rebels against the idea. But I am committed. At least until the end of February. Then I can reevaluate the situation.

But it's silly to think about that now. I'm going home! I might have Taco Bell for dinner tonight! I get to see my friends and family for the next two whole weeks!!! My tears are tears of love and gratitude.

just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling

Have been trying really hard not to think too much about the fact that I am going to be home tomorrow. I think my heart might burst from longing and anticipation.

Besides, first I have to get through 21 and a half hours of airports and airplanes. By the time I get to PDX it will be 6am Madrid time the day after I left.

Last night I dreamed I was running. And that I was free.

things are looking up

Hooray! Brother is coming to Christmas after all! Double, no, TRIPLE hooray!!!

Also found a good gift or two for Mom, and Dad finally gave me a couple suggestions for his gift, so am happy about that as well.

Also got long and very satisfying email from friend CJ and am feeling reconnected to her.

Still no New Year's plans, but am convinced that we will find something stimulating to do. After all, we ARE the party... =*)

Six days until I come home!!!

quote of the day

One of my students in class tonight said, "It is unfortunate, that the defecation, she is not more popular." And he actually meant it.

I will be in Portland one week from today! Yippee!!!

a package

Today I received a care package from Kelsey and Steve that made me squeal and jump around and dance for joy and then tear up a little. Not only did it have M&M's in it, but they sent some Christmas catalogs and the best present ever: two boxes of Kraft mac & cheese!!! Having just spent the last half hour gorging myself on cheesy goodness and flipping through a Victoria's Secret catalog, I can officially declare that Kelsey and Steve are excused from Christmas and birthday presents for the next ten years.

In other news, I so wished I had a camera yesterday. There was a Spanish woman walking her dog--a little bichon frise wearing and blue and white striped sweater--in the park. This woman was probably in her late 60's or early 70's and I could not believe what she was wearing: furry pink boots with pom-poms on, black stretch leggings, a 3/4 length white coat with faux fur color, enormous designer sunglasses, and on top of her stark white head she wore a bright red felt fedora. F'ing priceless is what that was.

the incompetent spy

Here's an excerpt from the novel-in-progress, just for fun. (It's a first draft, so please do not judge too harshly.)

She saw another waiter striding down the hotel hall toward her and tried not to panic. Just act like you’re supposed to be here, she told herself, and he won’t question it. As the waiter got closer she made sure to keep her back straight and her head up. She looked him right in the eye as he passed and was surprised by their color: an intense blue that was at odds with his jet-black hair. Perhaps he dyed his hair? No time to think about that now, Tiger! Keep your eye on the prize! The blue-eyed waiter nodded as he passed and…was that a smirk? Shit, did she have a booger hanging out of her nose or something? She checked, just to be sure, but felt nothing. Oh well. She would worry about that later. Right now she had a job to do.

She had arrived at the room before she knew it. She stood staring glossily at the brassy numbers affixed to the white door for a moment: 214. She took a deep breath, lifting her right hand to knock as her left hand moved into her pocket for the gun, but then she noticed that the door wasn’t completely shut. She glanced quickly behind her to assure herself that the coast was clear, took the gun out of her pocket and cautiously toed the door open. The entrance to the suite was empty, but no sooner had she peered around the corner into the living room than the swearing started.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she said. “What the fuck…” Three men lay dead on the floor, their throats slashed, pools of blood soaking into the cream colored carpet. The boss, the one she had come to kill, was lying face down in the doorway, his legs in the living room and his oversized torso in the bedroom. His throat too was slashed. “Goddammit! Now how the fuck am I gonna get paid?” She kicked the nearest body a few times in the gut out of anger and frustration. Then she was over it and trying to figure out how much time she had before someone came through the door and saw her standing over four dead bodies. Not long.

She slid quietly out the door, retrieved her backpack from behind the potted plant and hightailed it down the stairwell. She was only half a flight down when she heard screaming. Probably someone from the suite next door. She’d gotten out just in time.

I feel out of it today. Grumpy. Distant, even from myself. Felt fine this morning when I got up, but as soon as I arrived downtown to go shopping at el rastro I went into some kind of funk. Maybe it was all the people. Maybe it was paranoia about pickpockets. Maybe it was the sun, which seemed sweltering today. Maybe it was all the absolute crap they're trying to sell at exhorbitant (for a flea market) prices. I spent an hour wading through crowds and came out with several Christmas presents, but am sad because I did not find the perfect gift for my mother. Somehow am drawing a blank and don't know what to get her. Perhaps an ashtray that says "Smoke less, asshole"? Kidding. In a way it's like I'm just so excited to see her, and anything I buy her will seem cheesy and insufficient.

Then tonight I found out that my brother will not be having Christmas with us. I think this is the first Christmas in my whole life I won't be spending with him. I understand he has a life and has to work and all that, but I'm still a little sad. Surely he could convince his boss to give him a couple days off? Surely he knows I or Mom would gladly drive him back up to Portland the day after Christmas if he had to be back at work? But maybe he's just had enough of Christmas. It can be exhausting.

Also am slightly depressed that most of my friends will be out of town for New Year's. However, am very grateful to Chris for being willing to drive me up to Portland and spend New Year's with me, and Robert is interested in celebrating with us, so it's a start.

But am trying to be more positive, so now will think of some good news. Okay, yes. I continue to make some progress on the novel. I have names for the main characters and even a few ideas for scenes. My next step, besides continuing to brainstorm, will be to buy and read a couple mystery/spy novels and a couple romance novels. For research purposes, you understand. It's been a long while since I read any romance novels, and aside from this wonderfully hideous 80's bestseller my roommate's mother sent and I just read, I don't think I've ever read a spy novel. Had a couple unfortunate experiences with John Grisham audiobooks, but never actually READ one. Little did I know that Grisham's penchant for horrid similes would come in handy one day... I still remember, maybe from The Pelican Brief, "She shifted into fifth gear like a professional race car driver." (Perhaps not an exact quote but you get the idea.) The best part was that the similes appeared at fairly regular intervals in the writing, so my brother and I would anticipate the next one by calling out "like a" at the right moment. I think it ruined it a little for Mom, but we had fun with it.

another weekend of travel

Yesterday went to Ávila with Shannon for the first time and today went to Segovia for the second time with my friend and fellow teacher Alan. The old town at Ávila is walled in, much like Toledo and Segovia. The stone is interesting: pinks and reds and browns all marbled together. Other than that, I'd say Ávila isn't super impressive. My main reason for revisiting Segovia was to have a look inside the castle, which was built in the 12th century. I have to say that whoever designed the castle didn't really seem to think it out too well. The throne room and the royal bedroom were too near the main entrance and not at all hard to find if you wanted to come in and start killing royalty. The guilded ceilings were impressive, and it was neat to see all the suits of real armour on display, but overall I was slightly disappointed by the interior of the castle, given that the exterior is so impressive. Ah well. Segovia is still a very pretty town. I think probably I am just burnt out on travel around Spain and am ready to come home for a couple weeks. Ten days until I fly home for Christmas! Hooray!!! =*)

To see my photos of Ávila from yesterday, copy and paste this link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23363&l=5cc88&id=595126014

To see my photos of Segovia from today, copy and paste this link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23367&l=0a1d7&id=595126014

Good news! Yesterday found out that my sneezing is due to allergies, not to a cold. Also have itchy eyes, and I saw the thick yellow pollen of evergreens dusting the walls of Ávila yesterday.

day 1 of a 4-day weekend

Last night I arranged a group night out. There were both Spanish- and English-speaking people there, several Spaniards, three or four Americans, a Canadian, an Australian and a Scotsman. Quite the international crowd, no? We went to a bar and took over basically a whole room. They had an electronic dart board, so part of the evening was spent challenging each other to games and shit-talking. I won every dart game I played (pure luck, I assure you). Good times.

Today I slept in a bit, lazed around, watched Practical Magic for the 50 millionth time, and then met Shannon to research karaoke bars for our next monthly TtMadrid social event. Did find one near the Parque Retiro, so we just need to choose a date and send out an email. Hurrah. Then I went over to my friend Ishmael's house and we watched The Fifth Element and talked sci-fi. He might help me with my sci-fi vampire romance spy novel.

Am making some progress with the novel idea, by the way. It is now a trilogy. I have the main character's spy name (and possibly her real name) as well as a brief synopsis of the three novels. I also have a pen name and a draft of the "about the author." Plan to have a draft of the first novel finished by June.

Tomorrow Shannon and I will go to Ávila for the day. It's only an hour and a half by train. Another walled city that's supposed to be very beautiful...and cold, I hear. Will need to remember to bring hat and buy some gloves (left one of my gloves in Paris). Then on Saturday I'm going back to Segovia with my friend Alan. He plans to eat cochinillo and I plan to spend at least two hours wandering around inside the castle. Sunday morning Shannon, Kez, Meaghan (Canadian friend and fellow teacher) and I will hit El Rastro for Christmas shopping, and then I'll need to spend the afternoon lesson planning.

Have been feeling surprisingly content the last few days. Partly because I'm building my social life and partly because I'm super excited to be going home in two weeks. Also have been spending quite a bit of time watching Flight of the Conchords video clips on YouTube. If you haven't seen any, I highly recommend them. Very funny stuff. Among my favorites: "Rhymenocerous vs. Hiphopopotamus" and "Bret, You've Got It Goin' On." (See video links on the right of this page.)

Have been toying with an idea for a novel lately. It's to be (get ready) a sci-fi vampire romance spy novel! Yes, it does sound quite horrible, but I'm having fun. And there's plenty of trash that gets published and makes a lot of money, so this is going to be my money-maker that allows me to sit around and write "serious" literature. Obviously will have to use a nom de plume for the trashy novel so that I can still get other stuff published under my real name. Ha!

weekend: a retrospective

Got a late start to the weekend, as I had to make up a class on Friday afternoon at one of the companies I work in and then I had a private class in my neighborhood that went until 7:30pm.

My Friday private student´s name is Alba. She´s a 16 year old girl who studies hard, is very sweet and probably isn't overly popular at school. Over the course of the last two months, I've taken to calling Alba's mother tía and calling Alba and her sister Leticia mis primas. It's a joke between the four of us because they treat me like an adopted family member, and every time I call Gloria tía she cracks up. On a whim I decided to bring some fresh guacamole to their house this week so that they could try it. After my lesson with Alba, in which she railed against her tyrranical English teacher and reduced herself to tears once again, we all crammed into the dining nook and they tried the guac. I hadn't used much seasoning, so the guacamole wasn't spicy, but the whole family stuck their tongues out and fanned them with their hands, all the while exclaiming "que picante!"

As a result of the snacking period I arrived back home at 8pm, the same time I'd told my friend Alan to show up for dinner. I had planned to be at least halfway through the cooking process by the time he got there, but in the end he was happy to help me chop things and then to find videos of Beatles songs on YouTube to entertain us while dinner finished cooking. We drank chardonnay (bought at a specialty wine shop for €6.75, which is quite pricey for wine in Spain), ate pasta, watched YouTube videos and chatted about books, TV shows and our respective existential crises. Good times.

On Saturday afternoon Shannon and I headed to our friend Ishmael's house to help him celebrate his birthday by eating ten pounds of salty food (each) and watching the entire Bourne trilogy. There were six of us: 5 women and Ishmael, all of us TtMadriders. I was stoked because I hadn't seen the Bourne trilogy before, and I was not disappointed. All of us women spent pretty much the whole time making comments about Matt Damon's hotness between movie lines, and Ishmael's true birthday present was a sneak peak into the filthy female mind.

Today I woke up a little after noon and have been lesson planning and eating leftover pasta. Am excited because this week is a short one: Thursday and Saturday are national holidays, so my work week ends at 3:15pm Wednesday. Over the long weekend I plan to do a little socializing in Madrid as well as take a couple day trips, one with Shannon on Friday to we-haven't-decided-where and one on Saturday to Segovia with Alan. He hasn't been before, and I want to go back to get a look inside the castle.

17 days until I'm home again!!! =*)

a bit of a phenomenon

One of the first things that happens to many North American women who move to Madrid, aside from being ogled and perhaps robbed, is that they experience sudden and dramatic weight loss. There are several factors that contribute to this weight loss, including adjusting to Spanish food, adjusting to Spanish eating times, fatigue, and a shit load of walking. The second thing that happens is that these women wear their clothes and wash them and hang them up to dry and find that their clothes no longer fit. Not just because they've lost a lot of weight, but also because there is no electric dryer to shrink the clothes back up again after wearing and washing them. The result is Saggy Bottom Syndrome, a very serious condition wherein one's jeans tend to droop in the posterior and crotch areas, making it look as though our bottoms are flat and flabby and our crotches tent in a sort of mini-penis effect. The only remedy is to do as the Spanish women do: buy your jeans about two sizes too small and squeeze yourself into them anyway. This way, once you've worn and washed them a few times they'll look like they actually fit you instead of looking like they were made for someone twice your size.

exploring a possible future

My weekend in Paris was enough to sweep me up in a week of flurried creative energy, but it has died back down now. Sad, becuase I was really enjoying it. But even before I went to Paris I was thinking that I might enjoy some kind of career in creative non-fiction writing. Problem being that what I write doesn´t fit into a genre: it´s somewhere between diary and memoir and prose poetry.

I went so far as to look into MFA in Nonfiction programs. There aren't many. Northwestern offers one in Chicago, but then I'd have to be away from Portland for a few more years and that's unappealing. PSU offers an M.A. in Creative Non-fiction, but then I´ve already gotten an M.A. from PSU and I wonder whether that would be a barrier to being admitted there again. I could just take a few writing classes at PSU while temping or working some other job, but then I would have to depend on night class offerings and it costs almost $1500 just to take 4 credits in one term. Blech.

Or I could just write an not take classes. One of the downsides to that plan is that I don´t have reliable readers to help me revise my work. Also, I know myself well enough to know that I have a hard time making myself sit down and write and revise on a regular basis unless there are external motivators, such as due dates for a class.

The last part of this formula is location. Madrid is not as inspiring as Paris, but I don´t remember feeling very inspired when I was in Portland either. Potential problem. Part of me wonders whether it's just a matter of getting into the habit of writing...I know that some places are easier to write in than others, but maybe it's possible to write in all places if you're dedicated to it.

Ideas and suggestions welcome.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Stacey!!! =*)

Paris vs. Madrid

I will say that Madrid's metro system is much newer, cleaner and brighter than Paris's. The cars on the metro trains are more spacious too. But Madrid's underground is heated (or at least it is hot), which may sound good until you realize that many people get sick in the winter because they're going from freezing cold outside to too hot inside. You have to put on scarf and coat and hat and gloves to walk to the metro, and then you have to take them all off when you get on the train and then you stand there with sweat dripping down your back, and of course the sweat cools almost instantly when you step outside and then you have to put all your acoutrements back on... It's a vicious cycle. The Paris metro is pretty much the same temperature as the outdoors, which means you keep all your clothes on and aren't subjected to such extreme temperature changes throughout the day.

The thing that really bugged me about Paris was that I found it impossible to take a picture that could capture the grandeur and beauty of the city. I guess you could say that Paris isn't very photogenic. Even though Madrid is uglier overall (in my opinion), it's still possible to take beautiful pictures. It would take me days, perhaps even weeks, to get the hang of it in Paris. Or maybe it's not possible at all.

One of the realizations I'm coming to about Madrid (and possibly Spain in general though at this point I'm not prepared to go that far) is that the culture is based on blue-collar culture. The food is made from every part of the animal except the good parts, and the cheapest ingredients, such as potatoes, tomatoes and eggs, are the staples of the madrileño diet. Everyone from the 5 year old child to the 90 year old grandmother swears constantly. They smoke everywhere and throw their trash and cigarette butts onto the café floors. For fun people drink cheap beer in their local bars or they visit their family's village on the weekends. They stand around on street corners or in cafés gossiping about their neighbors and arguing politics. It's a culture that values family and friendship and enjoying the present moment while respecting traditions of the past. They don't care much for art or philosophy. Madrid is not a city of innovators; if it isn't broken, they don't fix it. And sometimes they don't fix it even when it is broken if they decide they can get along well enough without it. While I admit that I could stand to learn how to better enjoy a present moment, drinking cheap beer while eating leftover parts of the pig and gossiping about neighbors is not my idea of a good time.

Paris, on the other hand, seems to me more concerned with higher culture. There is something elegant about Paris and its people. They seem to care more about aesthetics, both on the street and in their restaurants. For fun people go out to dinner in clean, well-decorated restaurants or stroll along the river looking at used books or outdoor photography exhibits. They hold dinner parties and stay up talking until 4am. Paris is saturated with creative energy. Historically, the French have been at the forefront of art, fashion and intellectual movements. And whereas madrileños are proud of their cuisine without taking pride in it, the French have turned food into an art form.

In a way it's slightly unfair for me to try to compare Madrid and Paris because I have never lived in Paris. I'm very aware that my observations of Paris may be tainted by a romantic view, and there are many aspects of both cultures about which I am ignorant, but I've stated what I believe to be true. In the end it just boils down to the fact that I am more comfortable in Paris because its culture (or what I perceive to be its culture) is in better alignment with my values and interests than Madrid's is.

the people of Paris

The 40-ish man and his younger assistant at the crêpe place with a yellow awning on Avenue MacMahon, about two blocks from the Arc de Triomphe. He spoke a little English and was eager to try it out on us. Knew the Chicago Bulls. Looked Eastern European to me, but he said he was from a country in southern Africa. A generally pleasant man, but with an edge.

The 30-something woman who owned the restaurant with the clean, dark interior that reminded me of a mill. Dark wood, brick, some iron contraption hanging behind the wood stove. A built-in bookcase with a selection of books for lone customers to read. An adorable elderly gentleman eating by himself at a table by the window, reading a newspaper, smiling shyly at us as he passed on his way to and from the bathroom. The proprietess a stout woman, pretty and friendly. The blue ink of tattoos showing on her upper arms. Clearly well-liked by the neighborhood, as she seemed to know almost everyone who passed and many stopped in for a quick chat.

The small, dark-haired waiter who caught us hesitating outside his restaurant. He must´ve been taking out the garbage. He offered his arm to Shannon, saying in English, "Come on! Let´s go!" I made her take his arm and he ushered us into the restaurant, depositing us just inside the door and calling to the waitress, "Two more!" before disappearing into the kitchen. The waitress seemed a little shy. She smiled and blushed with pleasure when I told her it was the best meal I´d eaten in years.

Song Ming Ang from Singapore who stayed at our hotel in the room above ours. I´d heard him stomping around and sneezing loudly the night before, but I didn´t know it was him until much later. We met him for the first time at breakfast on Saturday. He broke into our conversation about Cat's Eye with, "Sounds like a good book," and asked if he could join us at our table. He´d studied English literature at George Washington U in D.C.. Tall, friendly, outgoing, a bit of a chatter. Might be the sort of person to ask for just a little more than you are comfortable giving.

Guillaume, whom I didn´t recognize without his beard. His hair much darker, longer than I remembered. He a little thinner. His fingers shook almost imperceptibly, his smile a little nervous. After about a half an hour of conversation I noticed he smelled of pheremones or garlic. Perhaps from the dinner party he´d gone to the night before.

The graveyard shift clerk at the Hôtel Voltaire République: tall, thin, glasses. Looked possibly Middle Eastern, but said he was from Nigeria. On the first night he asked me for my name in exchange for the room key. We spoke in both English and French. I tried to explain that my name might not be written down. I said "She didn´t ask," but he thought I´d said, "You shouldn´t ask," and then I accidently used tu instead of vous, but it took me a while to figure out what had happened. The morning of our departure I disturbed him to ask what time it was. He thought I was having trouble sleeping and invited me to sleep downstairs with him. "What?" I asked. "Nothing," he said. He double-checked the wake-up call for me and asked me what time we planned to check out, and when we weren´t downstairs at 4:30am he called up to the room to check on us. Later we asked him to call a cab for us, and he told Shannon to go outside to try to flag one down but said to me, "You stay here. So I can look at you." He smiled. "No, I am just kidding." He patted my hand, his wedding ring tapping against my knuckle.

Paris

On Thursday night (technically Friday morning) Shannon and I overslept our naps and nearly missed the last train to the airport. We made it by maybe five seconds, if that. Realized that in our rush to leave the house Shannon had forgotten her phone and I had forgotten my PIN so I wouldn´t be able to turn my phone on the entire weekend, which meant a) no watches or alarm clocks, and b) no way for Shannon´s friend Jennings to contact her. The hours at the airport were relatively uneventful, except that Shannon bought us ice cream bars to celebrate our trip that turned out to be enormous frozen marshmallows covered in chocolate. Yuck. Two hour flight to Beauvais and then a bus ride into a Paris traffic jam. Once we got off the bus Shannon & I realized we had no guidebook, no map, and no idea where we were. Oh well. There were more important things, like finding a cup of coffee and a crêpe. Wandered around until we stumbled onto the Arc de Triomphe and a crêperie. Then into the metro (which we were delighted to find working!) to find our hotel, Mary´s Hotel. When arrived discovered that I had made a huge error and booked the hotel for LAST weekend instead, so they sent us up the street to a different hotel, Voltaire Republique, that wasn´t nearly as charming and cost twice as much but the staff were very nice.

Day One was fabulous: spent hours getting lost in the 3e and 4e arrondisements before finally getting our bearings and heading toward Notre Dame. The day was wonderfully cloudy and drizzly. Shannon ate three crêpes and drank an unknown number of glasses of wine. I ate one crêpe and drank an unknown number of cups of coffee. We stumbled upon a fabulous little restaurant somewhere in the 4e arrondisement for lunch and I had a very good glass of wine and a plate of boeuf bourguignon over fetuccine. Wandered around some more, took pictures of Notre Dame, marvelled at how beautiful Paris is and how comfortable we felt there and how lovely the language sounds. Later we stumbled upon another fantastic restaurant by the Notre Dame for dinner and I almost died and went to heaven over my food. It was by far the best meal I´ve had in years. Friday was a great day for eating.

Day Two started off sunny but then became partially cloudy and therefore more beautiful in my eyes. Another day of wandering and admiring the beauty of the city and the sound of the language. We spent the morning visiting the outsides of the tourist attractions we´d already been in but didn´t have pictures of, the Tour Eiffel and the Lovre, and then met up with my friend Guillaume and we had a coffee and a nice long walk with him, and he agreed to say the "She´s a ho..." line for the record. So fabulous! For dinner went to an Italian restaurant by our hotel, where I ordered a sampler plate of three pastas that were all delicious but since I´d stuffed myself silly the day before I couldn´t eat much of it. Very sad. Then we met up with Shannon´s friend Jennings for a drink over on the Boulevard Monmartre. I ordered the hands-down worst margarita I´ve ever had in my life and headed back to the hotel for a few hours of sleep. Slept poorly because didn´t have a watch or an alarm and I was in doubt of the hotel´s wake up call system, but indeed we did get a wake up call at 4am.

This morning we almost didn´t find a cab in time and almost missed the bus to Beauvais, but we arrived at the bus station EXACTLY on time. Very exciting and also a mirror of the beginning of our trip. Once on the bus though, the voyage back to Madrid went off without a hitch.

All weekend long Shannon and I kept repeating: "We should´ve moved to Paris. We should move to Paris!" Paris is everything a major European city should be: beautiful, charming, full of interesting & intelligent people and lovely little cafés and arts and music and good food. There is variety and culture there. And it´s possible to go into a café or restaurant and not come out smelling like an ashtray, unlike in Madrid. Contrary to rumor and my expectations, 99% of the people we spoke with there were friendly and helpful and they even let me torture them a bit with my French. I felt completely at home in Paris. If I could live and work there I would. In a heartbeat.

To see more photos of my weekend in Paris, copy and paste this link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=21992&l=4a999&id=595126014

Je suis en Paris et c'est magnifique!

I should have moved to Paris instead of Madrid.

Another glorious rainy day! Luck is on my side. =*)

Am halfway into the second day of the work week and so far so good. I´ve had a freakish amount of free time these last two days as a result of both my lunchtime classes being canceled. Gives me time to lesson plan, run errands, nap and otherwise be productive with my time. Is amazing how much more time I feel like I have for only missing two hours of teaching, but of course is because there are four hours of travel time involved in those two hours of teaching.

Have been thinking a lot about what I want to do while I´m home. Am definitely going to eat lots of the foods I miss: grilled chicken deluxe burrito from Laughing Planet; marinated tri-tip with roasted potatoes and either green beans or asparagus; chicken mole; fresh tortilla chips and salsa; baked potato with cottage cheese; salad with salad dressing; good Italian and Thai. Also want to wander around downtown Portland, hang out in coffee shops, maybe watch a couple movies. Goes without saying that I'm very much looking forward to seeing my friends and family too.

A lovely, cool, grey, rainy day today. Somehow everything seems more beautiful to me on days like this. Colors seem brighter against a grey sky. People and things seem more real. And I love walking through the rain when a warm, comfortable place waits at the other end.

rapidly deteriorating sense of fashion

When I first came to Madrid, I was justifiably horrified by many of the fashion trends that have taken hold of the madrileños. Things like denim mini skirts with black leggings and brown pirate boots. Or outfits composed entirely of different shades of green: olive green pants, kelly green t-shirt, jade necklace with matching bracelet and earrings, and forest green boots. Even when there are other colors in the outfit the madrileños like to monochrome it up. A hot pink t-shirt showing from beneath a garrish red sweater, for example. Boots and purse in different reds to "match," of course. The women are also fond of nylons with patterns on them, such as flowers or criss-cross patterns or even, god forbid, animal prints. Young couples also have a thing for matchy-matchy. You might see a young Spanish woman in skin-tight white jeans, a mustard yellow sweater and heels, and a thick white belt (purely for decoration and not worn through the belt loops but rather on top of the sweater), and you can recognize her mate by the white sweatshirt with mustard yellow accents in it, not to mention the white and yellow sneakers he´s wearing. These are the kinds of outfits that made my eyes bulge and my mind stumble when I first arrived. And while I still know, intellectually, that they are fashion faux pas that would have Stacey´s and Clinton´s heads spinning, I have grown so used to seeing them that they don´t even phase me anymore. Gold leopard-print nylons? Yeah, what of it? A young woman with an 80´s fright wig, dressed all in skin-tight black except that her pants are strategically worn halfway down her ass to reveal her shiny silver underwear? Completely normal. Though the fact that her haircut makes it look as though she has a frightened black cat perched on top of her head is still too much for me.

So here it is mid-November and the leaves are just finally beginning to turn. The weather has been colder, cold enough in the mornings and at night in fact to warrant a warm coat, gloves and a hat. With the cooler weather comes more layers of clothing, so the madrileños have been concocting new and interesting ways to "match" the clothes in their closets. And being short on clothing myself, I am unfortunately finding myself wearing rather interesting outfits. Right now, for example, I´m wearing a sea green boatneck sweater over a pale moss green crew neck t-shirt, so that you can see both greens loud and clear. Intellectually I know that the pairing is wrong; it´s just that I can´t SEE that it´s wrong anymore. Honestly the outfit looks fine to me. Brings out my eyes even. Oh lord am I in trouble!

if you like piña coladas...

Had another hard week this week...have been ready to throw in the towel. But have done quite a bit of thinking, too, about happiness and what I need in life. This is a train of thought I have been riding for the last couple of years in fact, since moving back to Oregon from Massachusetts. I think I´ve figured out that there are four basic areas of my life that I need to be going well in order to be content. These areas are: home life, professional life, social life and environment.

Home life: Has not been very happy. My living style is completely incompatible with one of my roommates´ living styles and I´ve felt like I couldn´t talk to her about it, so things have been incredibly tense at home for the last couple of months. Luckily the shit hit the fan this weekend and a solution has been arranged, and I´m very hopeful that things will be much more comfortable around here now. Things are looking up on this front.

Professional life: I really like teaching, and I adore most of my students. I do have one class that has been giving me trouble, but I´m ready to tackle the challenge and find a good way to deal with the situation. If worse comes to worst, I can ask for the class to be taken over by another teacher starting in January. But aside from this one class, I´m happy with the teaching. Could do with less commuting, but now that I have some books and have started reading on the train (a miracle that I don´t get motion sickness!), the commute isn´t SO bad. Things in this area are better than okay.

Social life: Unsatisfying. I have one friend, who also happens to be one of my two roommates. I´ve tried to stay in touch and form friendships with my former roommates, who are Spanish, but it´s hard to make Spanish friends. They tend to already have their social lives sorted. I also only get to hang out with a larger group of people about once a month, and there really haven´t been other people I´ve connected really well with. Except that I went to the TtMadrid graduation party last night and connected with a fellow alum, Alan, who is from Scotland and used to work for the UN and who also likes Murakami. One more friend! There are also a couple of other people whom I haven´t had time to hang out with who might become good friends. Things in this area are looking up.

Environment: Let´s face it, Madrid is no Paris. In my opinion it´s a pretty ugly city, though there are certain streets that I really like. For some reason I love C/ Jose Ortega y Gasset near the Lista metro. And there´s an alley on the walk to the Cercanías from my house that´s very beautiful. Am drawing a blank on other pretty places in Madrid at the moment. This is one need that I don´t expect to be able to fulfill here, though I will see plenty of beautiful places while I´m traveling so maybe that will help make up for it.

I think that if I can get three out of four of these areas balanced out then I have a good chance of making it to July with my sanity intact.

100th post

This is my 100th post on this blog. Feel like I should celebrate or something. Perhaps with a dark chocolate petit ecolier. ;*)

Two important-ish details I forgot to mention about my trip to Nottingham.
1. I bought a block of Irish cheddar cheese and brought it back with me. It was a little greasy on arrival, but a few hours in the fridge resolved that. Yum! REAL cheddar!
2. While I was visiting, Sam helped me get video clips (with my digital camera) of all the people in his family and everyone on our team at quiz night repeating a crucial line from the movie 40 Year Old Virigin. We got everyone to say, in their adorable English accents, "She´s a ho. Fo´sho´." Video clips available on Facebook for those of you who are on it.

I really don´t have much news to report. I´ve been reading Margaret Atwood´s Cat's Eye, which I am enjoying even though it's slightly disconcerting and sad and which makes me feel calm and emotionally steady. Probably due to the simple, straightforward way in which it's narrated. I've also been thinking about what I want to do with myself next (i.e. after Spain). Of course I want to settle in Portland, but I don't think I want to temp forever so I'm trying to figure out what kind of job would suit me. Ideally, it would be something I could wear jeans to and for which I wouldn't have to get up at 6am. Something that involves responsibility and problem-solving skills. Something that has a varied or flexible schedule. Possibly with travel, though not too much travel. I've thought again about teaching college and that does appeal to me, but there are problems with that option. First, I'd have to go get a Ph.D., which would probably entail leaving the state again for four more years. Not appealing. And then it's getting a job once I'm done with my program. Most college professors know and accept the fact that you can't be in the profession and be too picky about where you live. But of course I am incredibly picky about where I want to live. I want to live in Portland, period. That seriously narrows down my chances of getting a tenure-track position because there are only so many colleges in and around PDX. I´ve also thought about becoming a writer, but I´m not sure I have the self-discipline required to actually make money at that. On the other hand, I could always just temp for a while and hope that I fall into something satisfying. Who knows. Could work out.

Have noticed that I am starting to gain some weight back. Possibly my body has adjusted to all the walking here, but I'm sure part of it is due to the fact that I have actually been eating 2-3 meals a day plus snacks, whereas before I was down to one meal a day and 1-2 snacks. I've also figured out how to walk a little less by taking the cercanías more, and I´m more likely now to sit down on the metro or train when a seat becomes available than I was before.

Today I saw a Christmas catalog on someone´s desk and I got that sweet pang in my heart I associate with love and peace and home and good times. I realized I miss receiving catalogs in the mail. Stupid but true. I like to know that there are beautiful things in the world, and I like to think that at some point I might be able afford some of them. Anyway, I could really go for a Christmas catalog about now. To see the snow, however fake, and the lights and green boughs and warm sweaters. I love that kind of stuff. But instead I´ll have to content myself with listening to Christmas carols. At least until I get home.

I´ll be home 5 weeks from today!!!

Full Report on Nottingham

Am back from Nottingham, safe and sound. Had a GREAT time with Sam and his family. Summary: a lovely weekend. Here´s the full report.

DAY 1:
Arrived to East Midlands airport at 8:15am. Was mildly hasseled by English passport control agent, as usual. They seem to hate Americans. Or just me. Sam was there to pick me up, and we made the 40 or so minute drive in to Nottingham, stopping at an ASDA (grocery store owned by Wal-Mart) to pick up ingredients for a Traditional English Breakfast. I embarrassed Sam twice in the store, once by reading aloud in announcer´s voice the names of their laundry detergents--Surf. Daz. Bold. Fairy.--and the second time when a Mika song came on over the speakers and I started singing along. Finally made purchases and drove to Sam´s apartment, where I met one of the roommates, Harriet, lovely girl who´s in law school with Sam. Sam & I made and ate lovely Traditional English Breakfast. Then sat around on couch for a couple hours watching TV, chatting with Harriet, and thinking about taking a nap but deciding to wait until later. Walked into downtown to see castle. Nottingham castle was slightly disappointing: has been turned into an art/knicknack museum. The Robin Hood Exposition was nothing more than a trumped-up promo for the new BBC Robin Hood series. Then went to the self-proclaimed oldest pub in Britain. Was very cute inside, with cozy little rooms and lots of dark wood and even a fire in one of the fireplaces. Had a coffee that was not disgusting and a glass of water, while Sam had a soda water with lime syrup in. Then walked over to the pedestrian shopping area and into the biggest mall in Nottingham, which was very nice and where everyone was ready for Christmas. Felt warm and cozy. Kept thinking of the movie The Holiday. Then it was dark and cold outside so we rode the bus back to Sam´s apartment and had a little nap. Then up and out the door to make our 8pm dinner reservation at a lovely little Italian restaurant in Sam´s parents´village, Radcliffe. Parked in Sam´s grandparents´driveway. Met the grandparents and they were lovely. Restaurant called Piano. I ate penne with salmon in a cream sauce. Yummy! House red wine was delicious. They asked for my ID. Do I really look younger than 21?? Then went to a pub close by called the Horse Chestnut, where we met Sam´s parents, Mark and Hillary, for a drink. They too were lovely. Then both Sam & I were very tired so we just went back to Sam´s apartment and to bed.

DAY 2:
Woke up at 9am without aid of alarm. Very impressive! Felt well-rested. Had slept marvelously well on Sam´s ultra-comfy bed (he was perfect host and insisted I take it while he slept on living room floor). Sam made us crumpets (really just English muffins) and we watched some of Sam´s videos of Camp Nebagamon. Then showers and getting dressed and out the door to go to the Belton House, which is the stately home in Lincolnshire that they used for Rosings Park in the BBC Pride & Prejudice mini-series. Hooray! The house itself was closed for the season, but we did range all over the grounds and even stopped into the restaurant and I had my first ever "cream tea" experience. Cream tea: two scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam, and a pot of black tea. Yummy! More exploring the grounds and then back into the car. Tried to see part of Belvoir Castle on way back but the castle and grounds were closed. Was dark by this time anyway. Returned to Sam´s apartment and joined the roommates on the couch, where we watched part of the British version of Dancing with the Stars. Then out the door again to go to a quiz night that Sam´s parents had helped organized. This particular quiz night is an annual charity event to support crib death research. Had a fantastic time drinking red wine, arguing over the quiz answers and learning how to toss a pound coin properly. Met friends of Sam´s family and they were all lovely. Then home and to bed because we had to get up at 5:45am to get me to the airport on time this morning.

To see more pictures of my trip, copy and paste this link in your web browser: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20541&l=539cf&id=595126014

Am off to see Sam in Nottingham! I have to take the last metro train to the airport and hang out until 4:30am to check in because I can´t afford a cab and wouldn´t know where to catch one at 4am in my hood anyway. But I have a Terry Pratchett novel to keep me company tonight. Full report and pictures of Nottingham adventure when I return. Whee!!

The Spanish are already getting ready for Christmas. I guess it makes sense. In the U.S. we move from commercial holiday to commercial holiday, and since the Spanish don´t celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas is next on the list. The shopping mall close to our house already has a big tree of lights erected and Christmas lights strung up over the walkways, though nothing is lit yet. The bakery in the little neighborhood mercado has rearranged its cases to make room for all the Christmas cookies and pastries, and the Carrefour is already displaying huge boxes of Christmas chocolates. Bring it on! Six weeks from today I´ll be on a plane home!

segovia today, tomorrow the world

Today we went to Segovia, and I actually felt like I was in Europe. Probably because we were surrounded by loads of tourists. I acted like a true Hazell by wandering around the streets for a couple hours, refusing to pay admission into yet another freezing cold cathedral and spending the last half hour ensconced in a warm little café watching the Baghdatis-Nadal match on a big-screen HDTV. (FABULOUS tennis today!) I was impressed by the castle but didn´t have enough time to explore it thoroughly so I didn´t go in. I´ve made the girls promise we´ll return to Segovia with the express purpose of roaming all over the castle. I was suprised to get home and see how beautiful the pictures of Segovia are because I think I liked Toledo better, but perhaps that´s because I was grumpy today due to lack of good sleep last night.

Tomorrow being Sunday I will be staying home and working on my lesson plans for the coming week. Am actually looking forward to a quiet, productive day at home. Have satisfied my travel cravings for this week. Though am SUPER excited to visit Sam in Nottingham next weekend. He has promised all sorts of lovely treats: a traditional English breakfast, the Robin Hood festival at Nottingham Castle (as though they knew I was coming!), a drive in the countryside and visits to "stately homes," a pint in the oldest pub in England, dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, meeting his parents, and a quiz night! Could I ask for a more fabulous English weekend? I think not.

Copy and paste this link to see photos from today´s excursion to Segovia: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=19736&l=be787&id=595126014

recent happenings

Well, Wednesday night, as previously mentioned, we went to a Halloween party at friend Katie´s house. Was fun...way too much fun and I paid for it all of Thursday. Have only vague recollection of post-party bar hopping and one of Miguel´s friends giving me a ride home. Thank God for friends with cars. Did not move from my bed except to use the bathroom and get more water. Ugh. Picture above is me having fun with some poor girl who barely knows me.

Therefore obviously did not go to Toledo yesterday as planned, but we went today instead. Was a gorgeous day (though perhaps a bit too bright), and it was fabulous to get out of Madrid again. Toledo´s Old Town is cute cute cute! All day long Shannon and I turned corners and said, "gorgeousness!" Kez was too busy taking fabulous photos with her super-expensive manual camera to exclaim much. The girls were also much impressed with the cathedral, which I understand is world-famous. Great big nave or something like that. Anyway I enjoyed a quiet hour by myself wandering around the cathedral. Here´s a link to the pictures from today´s trip to Toledo: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=19627&l=9edab&id=595126014

Also, I said I would give you the link to the hike photos, so here it is: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=18987&l=58fef&id=595126014 I had more pictures but I am a genius and told my camera to delete the originals after I´d uploaded them into my photo program and now those are ruined for Facebook because I thought I´d play with the color a little bit and Facebook doesn´t like what I did to them. So there are only nine and they aren´t really the best photos but it´s as good as it´s going to get. Perhaps will post some of them into the blog at some point though. Or you can email me if you want me to send them in an email.

blissfully silent

I´ve been home alone for the last two hours and the house is blissfully silent. I ate some chicken with peanut curry (which I made again yesterday) when I got home from my private lesson (switched to today on account of the puente on Friday) and have been geeking out on email and Facebook ever since. Have not had to listen to other people's music or the sound of pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. It's very dark outside and I've lit a scented candle and I feel like I have my own private little retreat. Aahhh... Now all I'm missing is a massage.

The last few weeks have been very difficult emotionally. I've been yo-yoing back and forth between wanting to settle in Portland after Christmas and wanting to stick it out with Madrid and try to make the most of this experience. But in the last three or four days I've been feeling much better and am actually looking forward to coming back to Madrid after Christmas. I look forward to all the traveling I'll be able to do this spring. And now that my social life is picking up a bit, I'm feeling like I might be able to make a few more close friends...or at least keep myself busy. My change in mood is also aided by a rapidly approaching pay day. Being poor isn't fun no matter where you are. Though at least I don't have it as bad as those ex-employees of Nova in Japan who are broke and homeless!

I'm completely smitten with the idea of spending a week or so in Bavaria. I don't know where the idea came from all of a sudden...maybe remembering family's and friend's pictures from their travels in the Alps or something...but now I can't get it out of my head. It looks absolutely gorgeous: lush forests, fairybook castles, quaint villages. Now I just have to figure out the how and when. Hmm...

The girls and I are supposed to head to Toledo tomorrow for the day. Will see whether that actually happens. I have a feeling tonight is going to be a late one for us.

busy bee

Being busy is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand I feel productive and well-connected to people here, but on the other hand I haven´t had much time to keep up on blogging or emailing, which makes me feel less connected to my loved ones at home. Please know that I miss and love you all and will respond to your emails as soon as I can.

The hike on Sunday was fantastic. There were eleven of us in all, which is a bigger group than I expected, and everyone had a great time. In fact, several people have told me in the last few days how much they appreciated the organizing efforts and that they´d like to do the hike again sometime. Very gratifying. I did take a bunch of pictures, but then I got the brilliant idea to modify some of them, so when I uploaded them onto Facebook they came out all funky and now I have to redo the whole thing. That´s one of the things I have not yet had time for. But rest assured that when I do finally get those pictures up, I will paste a link in this blog.

This week has been fairly easy for teaching. Nov. 1, All Saints Day, is a national holiday, and many people are taking Wednesday afternoon and Friday off as well, so it´s a short week. Today is also Halloween (HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!), so my lesson plans have revolved around that and I´m bascially using the same lesson in all my classes so I don´t have much planning to do. Nice!

Tonight am going to a Halloween Party at friend Katie´s place. Katie is originally from Kansas, went to school in Boston, and now is married to a Spaniard and working at an international pharmaceutical company. She did the TEFL course in August but was in the other location, so I didn´t really get to know her until after the course was over. She is a gorgeous, super-sweet girl. Reminds me very much of Jane in Austen´s Pride and Prejudice. Anyway, she´s promised that there will be several straight, single Spanish men at the party tonight. Is a good opportunity to practice my Spanish anyway.

bad dream

This morning I woke up from a bad dream. I was in the U.S., and it was the start of a long weekend. I was looking for people to hang out with, but then I found out, one by one, that all my friends were going away with their partners or with other friends for the weekend. I felt extremely lonely as each friend dropped by to say goodbye on their way out of town. I felt very left out and abandoned; I was crying. But then Brad gave me a really nice, long hug and I started to feel better. I began to realize that the reason everyone was stopping by was because they loved me, not because they were leaving me.

I think this is a really interesting dream, considering the fact that it was I who left my friends and family at home, and not they who abandoned me.

I also think it's interesting that in the dream Brad's partner was Dannon and he got really jealous when Brad hugged me and thought that Brad & I were having sex. My guess is that Brad-of-the-dream is an amalgum of my closest friends at home...not sure why there would be jealousy from the partners though.

this is me being responsible

Tonight I had to choose between buying a bottle of wine or buying a 16oz. bottle of orange juice. In the end I chose the orange juice because our apartment is freezing and everyone on the metro is coughing and sneezing. (ha ha I rhymed! as my dad would say: "I´m a poet and don´t know it.")

If I have to choose between buying a space heater and buying a sweater, I'll choose the sweater because it has more uses. I can take it with me, whereas the space heater is only good for heating up my room.

Today the roommates and I went to the Starbucks at Plaza de España to escape the cold of our apartment and to have a different view while we worked. I have to say it was rather pleasant. Starbucks is one of the few places in Madrid that don´t allow smoking, and it has a great view of the plaza and a couple of busy intersections. Afterwards, we went and found a bookstore we´d read about in In Madrid that sells used English-language books and I ended up buying two books for €11. Books! I have books to read!!! I bought Terry Pratchett's Maskerade, and Margaret Atwood's Cat's Eye. My roommates have gone out tonight, but I have opted to stay in and read Terry Pratchett. Joy and rapture!

Tomorrow is the TtMadrid hike in the mountains north of Madrid. Nature! Trees and rocks and dirt! Will be cold, but so worth it. I'll try to remember to bring my camera. We leave the Atocha train station at 2pm and won't get back until 9:30pm or so. Am glad I don't have class Monday morning, as I still have half my lesson planning to do. But will get up early (i.e. before 11am) tomorrow to work on it.

way too fantastic

When I went to France for three weeks after graduating high school, my favorite place by far was Chamonix, a tiny village nestled in the Alps that attracts tons of tourism because it´s at the foot of a glacier. I raved to my mom about the stone paved streets, cute little shops, gorgeous mountain views, etc. etc. But when it came time to look at the pictures, the only one I had taken in Chamonix was of a condom dispenser affixed to the side of a building. I was awed by the natural beauty, but the public condom dispenser was too novel to escape immortalization.

Tonight I wished I had my camera. If I could have only one picture of Madrid, it would be this: a vending machine in the parking garage underneath the Plaza de España, one of the ones with a glass front so you can see the selection of candies, chips, soda, etc. This vending machine contained everything from baby pacifiers and small boxes of feminine hygiene products to fruit juice and chips. But the bulk of the offerings, right in the middle where you normally look first, were several different kinds of condoms. And then you noticed the rather large bottle of sensual masage gel/lubricant. And then, best of all, not just one but actually TWO different brands of vibrating cock ring. As Shannon would say, "I almost shat myself." I WILL be returning for a picture.

freakin' hilarious

Shannon was looking for lesson ideas on handoutsonline.com tonight and came across a handout for elementary students on giving advice. The handout features several fictional letters to a Dear Abby type character (whom I guess the Brits call agony aunts), and here is a sample:

Dear Aunt Jennifer,
I've recently started taking lessons with a beautiful English teacher. She's 28, single and ahs a wonderful smile. I'm in love with her, but I'm only 18, and I have really bad spots. I also have no confidence. Should I tell her how I feel?
From Shy in Seoul.

Dear Shy in Seoul,
No - you shouldn't date your teacher, even if she is beautiful. It's an awful idea. English teachers are poor and they drink too much. They also go back home after 18 months. Why not wait for your spots to go? You might meet someone much better.

Ha ha! It makes the whole thing so much better that both Shannon and Kez have students who crush on them. So amazing!

more observations on madrid

Security guards patrol the cercanías trains, moving from car to car, looking for suspicious unattended luggage, people with their feet up on the seats, and panhandlers. Some of the panhandlers, dirty and disheveled, merely pass up and down the aisle mumbling, palm outstretched. Others proceed to give a speech upon entering the car, sharing their tales of unemployment, sick family members and pregnant wives, before collecting money. And last week there were a couple of guys who got on at Méndez Álvaro, whipped out their guitars, and began to serenade the rest of the passengers. But before they had finished their song, we stopped at the next stop and their song was cut short as they caught site of a couple of security guards waiting to board the train. Luckily for the musicians, the guards boarded the car behind ours, so the guys had time to get off the train before they were spotted and fined or arrested.

At the supermarket there is an entire aisle, both sides, devoted to canned fish and seafood. There is also an entire refrigerated aisle, again both sides, dedicated to yogurt and yogurt drinks. There are several aisles of wine and half of an aisle for UHT milk (the kind that doesn´t have to be refrigerated and doesn´t expire for several months), but there is only an endcap for fresh milk. The cereal aisle is broken up into three sections: sugary cereals, muesli, and corn or bran flakes.

If you had never spoken to a Spaniard, you´d think they were a very serious and displeased lot. They almost never seem to smile in public, not even when speaking with their friends. And it´s more than not smiling, they actually seem to make an effort to look unimpressed or displeased with everything. Whereas Americans will flash you a smile to show you they are friendly, the Spanish version of friendliness toward strangers is a blank expression and a "dime" (translated as "tell me"). But, as Shannon and Kez's experience getting locked out of their former apartment proves, Spaniards will go out of their way to help a person in need...much farther than most Americans, including myself, would go. And once you get them into the classroom, office or bar, they are all friendliness and smiles. And it's not the fake kind of friendliness and smiles you can run into in the States, where people are sometimes only friendly because they feel obligated to be so and their smiles are thin and don't reach their eyes. They're absolutely genuine as far as I can tell. My students always greet me with a smile and remember to ask how I am in return. We often laugh in class...at my jokes, at my confusion, at some of their sillier errors.

Speaking of silly errors, I've had a couple absolutely hilarious ones. One of my private students read the word "tights" as "tits" the other day. And in my pre-intermediate class last week a student was trying to get his classmates to guess the word "rice" and he didn't know the word "grain" but we had talked about peppercorns, so he improvised but slightly misremembered the word and said, "it has lots of porns." Oh my.

A hard morning in some ways, very good in others. And it´s only 7:30am!

Am feeling super aware of the money situation. Technically I do have money I can access, but I was trying not to because I´d rather save it for traveling or settling into Portland when I move back home. Have realized that I hate being poor anywhere.

But had a very good email/Facebook morning. Nice long message from Aunt Debbie, whose birthday is today. Nice long message from Andrew, good friend and ex. Short but sweet message from my mom. And a Facebook friend request from one of my favorite former students at Clark U. Feel loved.

things i don't know how to do in spain

-ride the metro system efficiently (if indeed it is possible)
-make small talk with the landlords
-ask for cuts of beef or pork
-ask for anything that comes by the kilo or gram, such as cheese or meat
-find out if anybody knows what cottage cheese or ricotta cheese is and where I might be able to get some
-respond to old men who go on and on for minutes on end about how guapa I am while I'm standing in line at the productos lactosas counter
-get more Aleve once I run out

tengo ganas de leer

Somehow when I was at home, surrounded by shelves full of read and unread books, I had lost my taste for reading. Maybe it was too much effort to choose something to read. Maybe it was easier to watch What Not to Wear on TLC or Kathy Griffin´s My Life on the D-List. But now that I´m here with no literature to read save Whitman, I´m dying for my unread or partially read books. Any of them. I would gladly dive in to one of the short story or short short story anthologies, or a collection of stories by Joyce Carol Oates, or the 2006 Best American Non-Required Reading, or a book of poetry, or several books at once: bring ´em on! Why O Why didn´t I bring more books with me?! Partly because I didn´t expect them to be so expensive here. And partly because I hadn´t really felt like reading anything but candy (e.g. Terry Pratchett novels) for quite some time. But at this moment I would give a nut for a good book to read. Like a brazil nut or even a walnut.

A couple of passages from verse 33 of Whitman´s "Song of Myself" that caught my particular attention:

Agonies are one of my changes of garments.
I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person,
My hurts turn livid upon me as I lean on a cane and observe.
***
Not a mutineer walks handcuff´d to jail but I am handcuff´d to him and walk by his side.
(I am less the jolly one there, and more the silent one with sweat on my twitching lips.)

Not a youngster is taken for larceny but I go up too, and am tried and sentenced.

Not a cholera patient lies at the last gasp but I also lie at the last gasp,
My face is ash-color´d, my sinews gnarl, away from me people retreat.

Askers embody themselves in me and I am embodied in them,
I project my hat, sit shame-faced, and beg.

blasts from the past

OH. MY. GOD. Mr. T with "Treat your mother right": http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=XgS0DefPXhY&NR=1

One of my all-time favorite cartoon moments! Brak from Space Ghost Coast to Coast: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mGXG00nCrYA

The intro from my favorite childhood cartoon, The Care Bears: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lNm5Hqow78I

Who needs TV when you have YouTube? =*)

Labyrinth

Tonight I shared my favorite movie of all time, Labyrinth, with my roommates. Shannon had never seen it before. I am careful to warn her that the movie is very 80´s. As the opening credits are rolling and David Bowie is singing "Underground," Shannon says, "This music is horrific." "I´m just gonna pretend you said ´terrific,´" I say. Throughout the movie Shannon laughs at key lines and Bowie´s package. Then, at the end, she says, "That was either the best movie I´ve ever seen or the worst. I can´t make up my mind." Clearly I have seriously misjudged her level of intellectualosity.

the highlights

The high points of last night:
-socializing with other TtMadrid graduates at a nice Irish bar near Estrecho
-realizing that I have quite a few friendly acquaintances here and at least two people outside of my roommates whose company I enjoy immensely
-discovering that the Irish bar has BUFFALO WINGS!!!
-discovering that the Irish bar also has DARTS!

The low point of last night:
-missing the last metro train home and having to take the night buses but getting stuck at Plaza Cibeles because there was some kind of taxi strike or something that royally screwed up the traffic patterns and having to walk from Cibeles to a bus stop on Gran Via and then get on a jam-packed bus for a 30 min. ride home so that the whole adventure took about four hours and we didn´t get home until 5:15am. Yuck.

What I´m looking forward to in the next few months:
-teaching my classes & getting to know my students better
-taking a hike in the mountains just north of Madrid with TtMadrid folks on Sunday, Oct. 28th
-getting my Oct. paycheck
-going to Granada for a day or two with my roommates over the four-day weekend (Nov. 1-4)
-visiting Sam G. in Nottingham Nov. 9-11 & basking in the English weather (rain and clouds, hooray!)
-going to PARIS!!! with Shannon Nov. 23-25. Woohoo!!! Paris in the fall!!! Paris Paris Paris!
-going home for Christmas and getting to see all my family and friends!

Do you realize that here it is, mid-October already, and the weather in Madrid every day is sunny with highs in the low 70´s? Meanwhile Portland is having lovely normal fall weather I see: highs in the 50´s and rain every day. It´s just so completely odd. Supposed to be like this all week, and then next week temps drop all the way into the high 60´s. The only thing that makes it fall is that the overnight lows are in the 40´s, so the mornings are chilly and the afternoons are warm and people run around getting colds because there´s a 20 or 30 degree difference between morning temp and afternoon temp and we´re putting on and taking off layers all the time and going from the chill air outside to the sauna of the metro. I bought orange juice last night because there´ve been so many people on the trains sniffling and sneezing and coughing and I don´t really feel like getting sick again so soon.

I have to say, though, that when you´re walking around in the afternoon, the temperature here is just about perfect and the sun on your back feels lovely. And though I´m complaining about the weather here, part of me is also secretly enjoying it. I´m just nervous about the possibility of getting sick again. And I would like to wear my lovely green peacoat but so far it´s been too hot.

Last night´s craving: a chicken deluxe burrito from Laughing Planet. Hold the cilantro.

Special moment today: a mother in her 30´s helps her young son take a dump in the sidewalk planter in front of the community medical center. Am really trying to understand and appreciate the culture that allows Spaniards of all ages to do their business--sex as well as potty--in public.

This morning was absolutely gorgeous: cool and grey. The trees and I thoroughly were made happy by the hint of moisture in the air as well.

Since most of the non-pasta dishes I know how to cook require ingredients that either they don´t have here or I don´t know how to ask for, I´ve been cooking lots & lots of pasta. Is getting a little old, to tell the truth. Yesterday I was fantasizing about all the restaurants I want to eat at when I get back to the U.S. Am especially missing good Mexican food. Would kill for a good chicken mole about now. With SOUR CREAM! Can´t find sour cream here. Or cottage cheese. Or cheddar cheese...though they have something they call cheddar and which tastes like poo. Not literally, of course. The other problem is time to cook. Pasta is quick and easy; other dishes take a little more time. But oh, my, could really go for a box of Kraft mac & cheese. Drool, drool...

Am hungry, in case you hadn´t noticed. And tired too. I almost fell asleep on the metro on my way back from my a.m. class. Oh yes, and let´s not forget the fact that I was 30 minutes late to my class this morning because a) the metro lines were all screwed up and b) in order to circumnavigate the metro mess I tried walking to my class location from a different metro stop than usual and got lost. But my student, who happens to be one of my favorites, was totally cool about the whole thing and said that the Madrid metro system goes screwy from time to time and she knew it wasn´t my fault.

Yesterday I figured out that I teach thirteen lessons a week. Most days I only have 3 lessons, but Tuesdays (today) are my long days, where I´m up at 6am and home after my last class around 10pm. I could use a nap or two. Sometimes a three day weekend still isn´t enough. But I love the teaching; I only wish I could teleport from class to class instead of squeezing onto overpacked trains. On the bright side: at least it´s not the Paris metro I´m riding. If memory serves, that one is stinky.

pictures

Here´s the link to see my Casa de Campo pictures from today: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=17416&l=c4804&id=595126014

A little history behind Casa de Campo. When I mentioned to a Spanish woman that I lived near Casa de Campo, her response was "Muchas putas," which means, "Many whores." As you will see in the photos, there are indeed many places one could take a client for a little lie-down. Unfortunately did not witness any mating today, but there´s always the next trip. Some parts of the park were nicer than I thought (paths away from the "lake" for example) and others were less nice (the "lake" for example). Overall had a lovely afternoon.

not a madrileña

I have to admit: even though I think I´ve tried really hard to like Madrid, it´s not my ideal city. I know there are lots of people who are very happy here, but I want to live in a beautiful place with beautiful architecture and be able to see mountains. Sevilla doesn´t have a mountain view that I remember, but it´s a gorgeous city, so I was more content living there (culture shock aside). I´m a little disappointed that Madrid is so ugly. It´s not to say that there´s nothing beautiful in Madrid, but the overall impression I´m left with is not favorable. Ah well.

Shannon thinks I´ll feel better about living here once I have money enough to start traveling. I´m sure she´s right. And my realization about Madrid doesn´t change my plans for that very reason: I still want to travel and this is an easy place to travel from.

Today Shannon is taking me to a great big park called Casa de Campo, just a few stops up the metro line from our ´hood. There´s a lake there and some hills and something approaching wilderness, so I´m very excited to see that. I so miss the mountains and trees and green of Oregon. I´m sure this won´t be the same, but it might give me just enough of a fix to keep me going. I´ll take some pictures so you can see what it looks like too.

On the upside, the gathering I arranged last night was a smashing success, despite the fact that the bar I´d had my heart set on closed 20 minutes after we got there and we had to go elsewhere. Unfortunately no pics of that. I´ve been very bad and have not remembered to take my camera with me when I go out. I´ve made a mental note to do something about that. So far has not sunk in.

yesterday & today

Yesterday´s plan: sleep in, go up to the school at Estrecho to print a few things, come home and make dinner for self, spend a quiet evening home alone watching movies.

The actual events: slept in, went up to the school at Estrecho with Shannon and printed a few things, got sucked into conversation with Mary and Craig (both TtMadrid employees), Tem (a director of the school) and Andy (her husband) showed up and we all went out for a caña (small beer), ended up going out to eat at the Plaza de España parking garage Chinese restaurant with Tem and Andy while the rest of the group went to make dinner at Katie´s house, then back to Tem & Andy´s place to watch Absolutely Fabulous (which I had never seen before) and crashed on their couch. On way home this morning decided to stop by Carrefour to buy fresh milk (because can only buy UHT milk elsewhere) and Twinnings tea and then thought I might as well walk home and only got a tiny bit lost. Arrived home about noon today. Must say I enjoyed myself immensely.

Today´s plan: do a little more grocery shopping, cook some lunch, do some lesson planning, then off for an intercambio at 8pm and then meeting a group of people at the Lista metro stop at 10pm for cañas and tapas. Am looking forward to it because I will get to see people I don´t often have the chance to talk with. Plus I love organizing gatherings.

This morning on the metro a woman smelled like a lilac bush in full bloom: wonderful. But yesterday Shannon sat next to a man on the train who smelled "like baby powder and shit." Not so nice. It took several minutes for the smell to fade from her nostrils after she´d moved away from him.

On my way home from my morning class there were not one but two men with dark brown hair and blue eyes. Love it! Have also noticed that I very much like the way a man´s legs look in jeans. Especially the knee and quad when he´s sitting down. I suppose it´s a strange part of the body to find attractive.

moments in public transportation

Shannon and I are on our way home Sunday afternoon. A youngish man (20´s? 30´s?) gets on the metro, makes a beeline for us, and proceeds to stand over us, staring intently at us with a half-grin on his face for several minutes. What can we do but laugh? It´s not flattering; just creepy and ridiculous. But he takes our laughter as a compliment and tries to laugh with us, which only makes us laugh harder, our faces turning red.

Some days the platform at Puente Alcocer smells like it´s been hosed down with piss. Today was one of those days.

I worship the YouTube

I never realized how completely wonderful YouTube is until I found some old-school Care Bears episodes on it today. Hooray for the Care Bears! They had a strong influence on my moral development as I was growing up. And the other day I found a bunch of clips of Ricky Gervais (from BBC´s The Office and HBO´s Extras), including an interview in five parts he did with Christopher Guest. So completely fabulous!

Am feeling extraordinarily lazy today. Have only left the house for a total of ten minutes, and that was in order to go get some post-lunch ice cream. But after being on the go all week long, it feels really nice to have time to just sit around, watch YouTube, do some lesson planning...and actually have time to make food. I´ve practically been eating all day. But now Shannon & I are off to meet a TtMadrid friend for a drink. I was supposed to have an intercambio tonight, but I didn´t want to go out twice tonight and my intercambio couldn´t meet later because she had other plans, so we´ve postponed our meeting until next week. I feel bad for breaking plans, but in the end I´m just looking out for my needs.

moments in Spain

A few days ago walking to the metro: suddenly realized that they´ve planted rosemary bushes along the sidewalks. Smells fantastic.

This morning when I left the house: mist hangs in the air; pitch black, cloudless sky; a thumbnail moon and one bright star.

On the train to work: the man next to me had a runny nose and didn´t have any kleenex. I sympathized but was hesitant to offer him a tissue because I didn´t want him to think I was weird. In the end, compassion won out. He was surprised but took a tissue with a muchas gracias. De nada I replied, and that was that.

When I got to work: I was early, but tried the door anyway--turned the handle and pulled--and found it locked as expected. 8 o´clock comes and goes and my student´s secretary still hasn´t come in. I continue to wait. A random woman walks by and asks, Is the door locked? I think so, I say, and try it again just to make sure. Turn handle and pull: still nothing. At 8:15 my cellphone rings. It is my student´s secretary asking where I am. I´m at the door and it´s locked, I say. No it isn´t, she says. Yes it is, I say, and try it again just to be sure. This time I push instead of pull and the door opens. Oh. Completely embarrassed that I am fifteen minutes late to my class because I couldn´t figure out how to open a door that I have come through three times before.

very busy and important

Am still alive, just very busy. Yay!

Spent Sunday at Retiro Park at the TtMadrid picnic and Sunday night planning my three Monday classes. Spent Monday night planning for today´s classes. Here was today: alarm went off at 5:45am, got up & took shower, got dressed (remembered to put pants on), left house about 6:30am to find my new morning class in the Avenida de América area (did find it & even had time for a cup of coffee beforehand in the café across the street), returned from morning class at 10:30ish, went and paid rent then in search of the apartment building where I was to have my last class of the day (found it), came back home, took a 40 minute nap (desperately needed), got up & left at 1pm in order to get to my 2pm class in time, taught for an hour & came home, had just enough time to eat something and read a letter that came airmail from Grandma then off to teach my 6pm class, taught 6-7:30 but went a little over then had to book it to get back to my ´hood and make my last class of the day in time (arrived ten minutes late at 8:40), taught until 9:40, got home a little after 10pm and changed into jeans, went out to eat at a local café because I have no food in the house, and now it´s a little after 11pm and I haven´t done any lesson planning for tomorrow yet. Will probably be up for at least another hour preparing for tomorrow morning´s lesson, then up at 6am again for another full day of teaching. This morning was a century ago. But am definitely enjoying the teaching and I am happy to be busy, even if it´s insane.

The Scent of a Spaniard

Contrary to the Paris metro, the Madrid metro doesn´t reek of body odor. In fact, the majority of Spaniards, in my exprerience, smell really fantastic. They wear scented deodorants and/or cologne or perfume, and as you´re walking down the street you can actually smell a Spaniard before you can see them. I know that sounds unpleasant, but it really isn´t. They don´t wear horrible cheap perfume or cologne...the stuff that makes you gag and want to run away. They wear quality stuff, and even though you can smell them yards away, they smell so good that I want to be enveloped by their scent and I breathe in deeply through my nose to drink it in.

Was awakened today by a phone call from one of my agencies (the one I really like). Figured it was probably around 10 or 10:30am, but when I hung up and looked at the time it was 11:40am. Holy cow! I probably would've kept sleep at least until noon if not for the phone call. Was feeling like a lazy slug so I got to work right away on redesigning the online course I'm teaching for COCC this fall. Am proud to say I actually FINISHED it this afternoon and it's now up & running. Now feel like productive superstar rather than lazy slug, though I have barely left my bed all day. Woo hoo!

If I had gotten up earlier I would have gone down to the market and bought eggs and potatoes, and I would be making a tortilla española at this very moment. Did not work out that way, however, so I´ve had to make due with some toast and peanut butter (yes, we have actually found peanut butter in Spain) until the mercado opens again at 5pm. (Closes for siesta, you see.) In the meantime I need to do some lesson planning for next week´s classes and add to my deck of "cards" I´m building for phonetics gin-rummy.

Tonight the girls and I are going over to a fellow TtMadrid alum´s house for dinner and then to her husband´s office for a party that will supposedly last until 6am. Am looking forward to being at a private party rather than going out to some smokey bar or club for entertainment.

Highlights of my day so far:
1. Lovely cool weather continues. Am sitting in bed wearing jeans, shirt, sweater, and scarf! =*)
2. Figured out how to change my keyboard settings to get Spanish letters! Now just need to figure out where everything is. Had a helluva time making that smiley face after #1 & finally had to change it back to American keyboard in order to make it.

highlights of my day

1. Lunch at Valpan in Atocha. Toasted croissant with strawberry jam and a cafe con leche. Yum!! Rock in English playing over the speakers. Even the crappy songs make me feel sentimental, and then as I'm leaving they play one of my favorites: "Invincible" by OK Go. Valpan must have satellite radio. I hear "Invincible" almost every time I go there. Is fantastic!

2. Boys in sweaters. Why is that so attractive? Maybe because boys don't usually wear sweaters. They might wear a sweatshirt or a coat over their t-shirt, but usually not a sweater. Love love love the sweater. Especially if it is navy blue or brown.

3. Tonight: making tacos and watching BBC's The Office with the roommates. Love tacos, love The Office. Life is grand.

sweater song

Hooray! I got to wear a sweater today ALL DAY LONG!!! Today was finally cool enough for me: in the low 70's. Kez, my roommate from Australia, was complaining the whole day, threatening to freeze her butt off. HAH! Today, after a mere couple of hours of 60 degree weather, Kez actually said, "I can't wait for summer!" Well, it takes all kinds. And I'm the kind that loves fall and cool, crisp air. Bring it on!

P.S. I found out today that the agency gave me the wrong sheet yesterday and I consequently asked for the wrong person when I got to my teaching gig. Explains the cancellation and "come back Thursday." Am now officially annoyed with the agency. Again.

P.P.S. I seem to be collecting glasses on the nightstand. One with a shallow pool of water at the bottom, one that used to have Diet Coke in it, one with the dregs of some English breakfast tea, and the newest glass contains some yummy red wine. Fall and yummy red wine. Does it get any better?

slightly annoyed

So I show up to my class today (after having spent about an hour at the agency that set the class up for me) only to find out that today's class had been cancelled. The receptionist calls up to the client and the client says she sent an email to my agency cancelling the class and that I should come back on Thursday. First of all, as far as I know this is a Tuesday-only class, which sucks to begin with, but then you can't expect to be able to reschedule on Thursdays willy-nilly. If you want two timeslots a week, pay for them is what I say. If she cancels again on Thursday I'm giving up the class. It's already a pain in my ass because it's only one hour a week during lunchtime on Tuesdays (when I could EASILY find a Tues/Thurs class for an hour or even an hour and a half each day and be making more money), and it's also clear on the other side of Madrid so I'm already traveling twice as long as the class lasts. Matters made worse by the fact that I hadn't eaten lunch and I was seriously hungrumpy. So came home again and ate leftovers and am having a little glass of wine (as the Spanish do) before I head out to do some grocery shopping.

Getting home from work at 9pm doesn't seem nearly as bad when everyone in your 'hood is also out wandering around in the streets and hanging out on the park benches. Having other people around makes me feel like the evening isn't even close to over. Whereas if I got home at 9pm in the States I would feel like a workaholic with no life.

Today I was supposed to start one new class, but I started two. The second student for the class I'd already started came today, and it turns out he's a different level from the first student so he's going to need his own class. This would be a good thing IF I get to keep him as a student and add another couple hours onto my schedule. But it would be a bad thing if it meant I had to give up either him or the other one as a student. Hopefully we can make it work so I get to keep them both. The other class I started was an evening class (6-8pm) with two advanced students. We had fun and they really felt like they learned something, so I left on a high from that one. I start another class tomorrow...a one-on-one with a female director of some company way up in the north of Madrid. About as north as you can go and still be in Zone A. Hopefully it will be worth it (i.e. I will like the client).

los precios

For those of you who are interested in what things cost (in Euro) over here at the moment, here's a brief list:
0.65E can of Mahou beer from the vending machine at work
0.80E can of Coca Cola from the convenience store
1.20E cafe con leche at a bar or cafe
1.30-1.50E 8 oz. glass of beer or 6 oz. glass of wine at a bar
1.80-2E a glass of Coca Cola at a bar
2.25E cafe con leche and a pastry at Valpan pasteleria
2.65E a red pepper and five small tomatoes on the vine
3.65E cafe con leche, 1/2 crab salad sandwich and a can of Coca Cola Light at Valpan pasteleria
5-8E a mixed drink (rum & Coke, for example) at a bar
12-15E a very cute blouse (not t-shirt) at Zara or H&M
25E a pair of nice high-heeled shoes
40E a monthly transportation pass that includes unlimited metro, cercanias and bus rides within Zone A
50E a fashionable winter peacoat at Zara
186,000E a small one-bedroom flat in my neighborhood

This morning I could really go for a bagel with cream cheese. And some coffee I could make at home that actually tastes good. I don't really like the coffee that our coffee pot makes. The beans are okay, but the pot makes sludge. Yuck.

Last night we had some people over for a housewarming party. (Pictures available on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=15136&l=481d7&id=595126014.) Everyone got along well and seemed to enjoy themselves, and nothing got broken and no cops showed up, so I think we can call it a success.

I've noticed that when I'm not busy with work or social engagements or similar I tend to get a little depressed. I think that's why I'm so homesick at the moment; I've only worked four hours in the last two weeks and I've been trying to stay at home in order to kill my cold, so I haven't really been doing much of anything for days on end. I think I need to be busy in order to feel productive and like my life has some meaning. Am therefore very much looking forward to having more classes starting up this week. Will be even better when the rest of my classes start first week of October.

Have finally rescheduled the trip to Nottingham I didn't take earlier this month because I was sick. Am glad to have a trip to look forward to as well. On top of not having much work these past couple of weeks I wasn't working toward any of my goals either, so that added to the sense of purposelessness. But knowing I am traveling in November helps, and I've also started finding people on the Internet with whom I can do conversation exchange so I can work on my Spanish. I am optimistic that I will be much more content starting this next week.