white christmas

Got my white Christmas and it snowed even more last night. Is beautiful. Supposedly dumped 2 feet of new snow up on the pass, and we got at least six inches here at Mom's house. The picture is her front yard and looking across the street.

Being home is an interesting experience. When I got to Portland it felt like I'd never left, which was a little disappointing. I'd been hoping for a sweet ache of satisfaction after wanting, desperately at times, to be home again for so long. In the end I decided that what it means is that home will always be home. I will always belong in Portland. This is a relief. Deep in my heart, part of me has been worried that while I am in Spain my friends and family will learn to live without me and Portland will change to such a degree that there will be no place for me when I return. It is very important to me to belong somewhere and to have friends that bring out the best in me. Feeling like I never left has put those fears to rest and has made it possible for me to look on the next six months with a healthier, more optimistic attitude.

I have not written a word of the novel since I've been back. I haven't made time for it. But I don't feel too terribly guilty about that. I'll have plenty of time for writing when I first get back to Madrid, and beyond that the novel is something I'm doing in Madrid to help me channel all the feelings of anxiety, angst, confusion, etc. that come along with culture shock. It's my therapy to keep me sane abroad.

Time with the family has been what it always is: both comforting and challenging. We do best together when we're involved in a specific activity (walking, watching a movie, playing a game), but when we're all left to our own devices, people start competing for attention and that's when things get hairy. I have spent more time than you might think reading or hanging out in a corner by myself. I feel a little guilty about this because I know that this is the only time in nine months I will see my family, but on the other hand I don't want to lose my patience and have my interactions with family members be full of snippy comments and argument. Is a hard thing to balance.