the three f's

The question has been put to me: what do I value more, being near friends and family or spending time abroad?

In lieu of a direct answer to that question, let me tell a story about one of my classes this week.

On Wednesday I was in a one-to-one, practicing the conditional tenses by playing a hypothetical question game, when the question came up: If you knew there would be a nuclear war in one week, what would you do?

My student answered that she would take her husband and children to the beach. She would want to spend her last week of life enjoying her family's company in the sun.

I asked roommate Megs the same question later, and she said she would go to someplace really wild, like the jungle, and live her last week in untamed nature.

And what would I do? I would take the next flight home, see all my friends and family and stuff my face with food for a week straight. Between meals, I would take nature walks and grieve for all that was about to be lost. When the week was up, depending on how I felt I would either hide in my friend Robert's bomb shelter (for if anyone I know had one, he would) or I would lie in a grassy meadow and accept my fate. With my luck, I'd probably spend my last few minutes of life being bitten by fire ants or being stung by bees.

But what my answer, which came so easily, revealed to me is that there are three things that are most important to me in this life. The three F's: Family, Friends and Food. These are my comfort and my joy, the things I value most about life and the things worth living for...when I live only for the moment and not for the future.

I heard, of all places on Canada's Next Top Model, a quote I really like:
The past is history,
The future's a mystery,
But now is a gift;
That's why they call it the present.

I like that quote a lot. It reminds me that the only thing I can count on for certain is what's happening here and now. But at the same time I have to wonder: if we live only for the moment, are we acting wisely for the future? Everything my parents and my schooling has taught me says no.

The reason I don't fly home this moment to my friends and family and to stuff my face with every good thing is because I expect there to be a future. What I do now I do in the interest of that future. Here I'm learning about myself, trying to become a better person, trying to grow in ways that will make me a better friend and family member.

And if I choose to head to Munich this fall or next winter, it will be in the interest of the future. It will be because I think I can make better headway on my writing career there than in Portland. It will be because I'm willing to sacrifice immediate comfort and pleasure for long-term gain. Haven't I been taught that sacrificing immediate pleasure is noble, sensible and at times necessary?

If I choose to spend another year abroad, does that mean I value my friends and family less? If I choose to stay in Portland for six months or a year, will I ever find the money, freedom and motivation to live abroad again?

There is this balance to be found between living the moment and trying to shape a positive future. I still doubt my ability to choose well.