I have been exhausted exhausted EXHAUSTED lately, so I gave myself the afternoon off today, slept until 6pm (evidently needed to catch up a little), went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, made a proper dinner (porkchops and pisto with rice), straightened my room, finally wrote my end-of-month report for one of my agencies. Am feeling rested, relaxed and productive. I think I'm going to spend a lot of time doing nothing this weekend in the name of continuous recouperation. Also because I'm sick of going out.

Yesterday on the train I had the sudden realization that there was nothing stopping anyone from lighting my hair on fire. If someone decided to take out a lighter and light my hair on fire, I probably wouldn't notice until it was too late and I doubt anyone else would notice until I started freaking out.

There's also nothing stopping someone from sticking a knife in my gut or slashing my face with a razor or wiping their snot on my arm or spitting on me or doing any number of things.

Morbid? Yes, perhaps I am. But the point is not that I'm living in perpetual fear that these things might happen. The point is that I live in perpetual wonder that these things DON'T happen. That I'm surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people every day, many of whom look at me because I stick out like a sore thumb in this crowd, but none of them are the right kind of crazy to do random bad shit to strangers. It seems proof to me of humanity's essential goodness.

Or maybe it's just proof that I'm crazier than most because these thoughts even occur to me.