a tale of deporation

So this fellow Andrew had been living and working illegally in Europe for about three years at this point. His girlfriend is English and lives in London, and the plan was to stop in London for a couple days before continuing on to the U.S., where he was starting the necessary paperwork to live and work legally in Europe. He'd been in England just the month before and hadn't had any problems, but since then the girlfriend had moved and he didn't have her new address with him. Therefore he left the "address where staying" spot blank on the customs form and that's where the trouble started.

When the immigration officer started asking him about where he was staying and for how long and with whom, etc., etc., Andrew didn't have all the relevant information. At this point he became nervous, and when the officer asked him for his girlfriend's phone number Andrew's brain froze up and provided the wrong number. Twice. The officer called the numbers but of course did not reach Andrew's girlfriend. No more games for Andrew, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

He was told to sit on the bench and wait, and eventually a security guard came and got him and escorted him to the airport jail. When Andrew entered the outer room he found himself in the company of about seven guards. One of them looked him up and down and said, "I think we're going to need a big glove for this one."
Andrew sweated. "Are you serious?"
The guard laughed heartily. "Naw, man, I'm just kidding ya."
"Ah ha ha ha..."

Andrew was led to a cell, where several other immigrants awaited interviewing and judgment. Eventually Andrew got his interview. He was honest:
Had he been working without a contract in Europe? Yes, he had.
Why had he gone to Morocco so many times? Was he aware of the loophole? Well, yes, perhaps he had heard something about it.
Okay. You've willingly worked illegally in the EU and knowingly played the system. I'm sorry, but we can't let you into England. You'll be on the first flight back to Madrid tomorrow morning.
Back to Madrid?
Yes. The law states that we have to deport you back to the country you flew in from, not to your country of citizenship. (Hmm... So basically one could get stuck living and working illegally in Europe because one can't fly home. Brilliant.)
Once he got back to Madrid Andrew had to buy another ticket home that didn't go through England. This time he made it all the way home.

Lesson learned: have a travel plan (or at least a plausible story), write down your addresses and phone numbers, play dumb.