I had fun at my birthday celebration last night. Shannon and Meags went out and bought self-adhesive mustaches as party favors (fantastic), and the bartenders at the Mexican bar let us play with the Mexican wrestling masks again. I enjoyed the company of the people who came, I ate a ton of food, I got to dance with several people, and I didn't get too drunk or stay out too late. (For more photos from the birthday celebration, copy and paste this link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30935&l=27896&id=595126014)
But this morning I woke up feeling like my whole life here is a sham. Sure, I have a job and I fill my days with one thing or another and I hang out with people on the weekends, but this is not my real life. Most of the people I call friends here are nothing more than people to help fill the time. I teach EFL, but I am not an EFL teacher. I live in Madrid, but I am not a madrileña. I don't belong here and this isn't the life I want to lead.
That said, I don't want to reject all my experiences here out of hand. I am learning and growing, and my time here is helping to shape me into the person I want to be. Even in realizing that I am leading a false life here, I gain a clearer picture of what is important to me and what I actually want for myself.
I want less drinking and more dancing. I want to live close to my family and my true friends. I want to live in the city but have a small yard with a garden. I want good restaurants and Sunday brunch and coffee house culture. I want game nights, movie nights, dinner parties, road trips, family gatherings and house parties. I want to stop being allergic to my environment. I want access to organic and free-range foods, Nyquil when I'm sick, swing dancing and martial arts classes. Trips to Movie Madness on the weekends. Occasional late-night Taco Bell runs.
Shannon and kiwi Craig and New Friend Andrew are real friends here, but I don't get to spend much time with them. And they are no substitute for the friends I have in Portland and Eugene. They are no substitute for getting to see my mom and dad regularly.
Today four more months in Madrid seems a long time. But I know I'll get through it and be better for the experience. It's just that on my birthday I would rather be where I belong with the people whom I love and who love me. I guess my point is this: I am homesick, missing Portland and my family and friends, and I'm impatient to be there with them again.
Do a search on youtube for 'Charlie bit me', You will feel happy that you are alive. He he. I'm sorry you won't be in the NW on your special day, but I am thinking of you, my dear, with lots of love. You absolutely rule! No matter where you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks, my love. Very cute! Did you see the "Kick His Ask!" video??
ReplyDelete