A Lady of Persuasion

I was digging through some old papers today and came across an email exchange that I'd printed out because I was quite proud of my part in it. Thought I'd share it with you to let you form your own opinion. The short of it: two of the undergrad professors I'd asked for letters of recommendation for grad school said no at first, so I gave them some time to think about it and tried again. One of these professors taught Shakespeare, the other Austen. Let the record show that I sent nearly identical emails to both professors, and only Professor B was a new father. Oops.

From: Sione
To: Professor A
Subject: Renewal of Petition
Sent: Dec. 2001

Dear [Professor A],
Now that the fall semester is over, and that the holidays are coming to an end, I hope that you are feeling less overwhelmed by your responsibilities, despite being a new father.

It is with this hope in mind that I hereby undertake to renew my humble solicitation for the kind of favor of writing an academic recommendation for me. I have many reasons for choosing you and, for your convenience, have divided them into categories so that you may scroll down to look at those reasons you think might best convince you that you are genuinely needed. The categories are: Just the Facts, Flattery, Guilt Trip, Empty Threats, and Begging and Pleading.
 
Just the Facts.
During my three years at Lewis and Clark, I took more classes with you than I did with any other professor except [Professor B]. This, in combination with the number of talks I had with you during your office hours, makes you one of the best qualified to write a recommendation for me. You are one of the three professors at Lewis and Clark who I feel got to know me at all, and since I need three recommendations, I cannot afford to lose a single one of you as a reference.

Your qualifications aside, I wish you to know that I am willing to go to great lengths to make the process as easy as possible for you. I have already put together a kind of portfolio that includes my transcript, my résumé, two essays and a short story. I am also willing to take time off from work to come talk with you during a time that would be convenient for you if you feel it would be desirable.

Flattery.
You are one of the most intelligent and capable men of my acquaintance and I have no doubt that your genius and wit, combined with a handsome face and open countenance, cannot fail to recommend me far beyond what I deserve. Furthermore, if you accept this responsibility, I will praise you to the skies, worship you as a god, and sacrifice a hundred young bulls in your honor.

Guilt Trip.
I fail to see how my request could be considered unreasonable, considering the fact that I am giving you more than a month to write a one-page recommendation while professors, yourself included, give their students a mere two weeks to whip up a masterpiece of eight pages or more.

Empty Threats.
If you decline to write this recommendation for me, I will have no other alternative but to refuse to speak to you again and to cause bodily injury to myself by eating two pounds of chocolate in one sitting, spinning around in circles until I make myself really ill, and then finding a brick wall to pound my head violently against until I pass out.

Begging and Pleading.
(Kneeling, hands clasped as in supplication, tear-filled eyes uplifted.) Please please please please pleeeeeeeease?? PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE???

You have heard my reasons, [Professor A], and if all my wit and honesty can't persuade you to do this favor, I must and will accept that decision. I sincerely hope with all my being, however, that you HAVE been convinced, and that I shall hear the happy news within a few days.

Please accept my best wishes for the health and happiness of you and your family.

Sincerely,
S. Aeschliman

Both professors agreed to write a recommendation, by the way.