I had less than 24 hours to make a decision about whether to get on the plane to Germany or not, and in the end I decided not. For now.
People have been asking me how I feel about the decision. Part of me is relieved that I get to be in Oregon and not separate from my friends and family again so soon. But part of me is also grieving the loss of another adventure.
I was really looking forward to some quiet time and to writing and to taking German classes, but in the end I decided it would be better to wait until I could be sure of having a place to stay that is stable and quiet and affords me some private space in which to write.
But now that I no longer have this trip planned, now that I need to get down to the business of finding a place to live and a job like everyone else, I am also wrestling a little with the inner demons that say I am not as interesting a person if I don't plan to jaunt off to other parts of the world with some regularity.
I just might have become as addicted as my Grandma to having a trip planned. If Grandma doesn't have a big trip planned for at least once a year, she is noticeably less enthusiastic about life in general. I think I can understand that traveling regularly is a way to inject some adventure and variety into one's life, as well as give one something interesting to talk about that makes other people a little jealous.
Anyway, I just gave myself a whole lot to do in the next couple of months: find a place to live, find a job (will be temping for at least a little while obviously), figure out what to use my airline credit on (have to fly before April 13, one year from the original reservation date), and most importantly create time and space for myself to write.
31 August 2008
29 August 2008
soul is recharged
After several weeks of soaking up the love of family and friends, as well as spending some time in the beautiful Oregon wilderness, my soul feels recharged.
Good thing too, because I just found out at 11pm tonight that the family I was going to stay with in Munich is no longer able to offer me a room due to a family emergency.
Of course this is not convenient, but so far am doing a good job of not freaking out. Have already sent out word to my Munich contacts that I need a place to stay, and I think it likely that the language school I've signed up to take an intensive German course from will be able to help me out.
Experience has taught me that something will work out. I trust in that.
In light of this new information, it's probably a good thing I have a teaching interview lined up for the first week I'm in Munich. I might end up needing the extra money.
And while all that is working itself out, I thought I'd share with you my photos from this summer. Copy and paste the links below:
Album 1
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=53611&l=85e99&id=595126014
Album 2
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=55845&l=60200&id=595126014
12 August 2008
Munich plans
So I've worked out a tentative plan for Munich based on my goals for the experience, the most important of which will be to write the first Lilly Frank novel.
I have decided not to look for teaching work right away. I have enough money saved from Madrid to live for two months without working, so for the first month I am going to take an intensive German course (Mon.-Thur. 9am-12pm) and spend the afternoons writing.
If after one month I decide that I want to stay in Germany longer than two months total, I will need to find paid work, most likely TEFL again but I am also open to the idea of working at a doggie day care or an English language publication or something similarly fun and in alignment with my interests.
I plan to stay in Germany long enough to write at least the first three chapters and a synopsis of the rest of the book so I can start sending it out to agents.
Some of you already know that I have also started a second writing project: I'm collecting all of my blog entries as well as my journal entries and random bits I wrote down in various notebooks while I was in Madrid and putting them all in chronological order. When I've finished with that I'll decide if it's something I want to edit and send out as a book for publication.
It would be a sort of travel confessional. I'm not sure I've seen anything else like that so far, but there's got to be a first time for everything.
The main thing for me right now is that I'm excited I'm finally going to focus on my writing and really try to be a writer as a career instead of just having it be something I do while I'm working other jobs. It's a big, scary step for me. Until now I was content to believe that my failure was due to insufficient effort. I will no longer have that excuse.
I have decided not to look for teaching work right away. I have enough money saved from Madrid to live for two months without working, so for the first month I am going to take an intensive German course (Mon.-Thur. 9am-12pm) and spend the afternoons writing.
If after one month I decide that I want to stay in Germany longer than two months total, I will need to find paid work, most likely TEFL again but I am also open to the idea of working at a doggie day care or an English language publication or something similarly fun and in alignment with my interests.
I plan to stay in Germany long enough to write at least the first three chapters and a synopsis of the rest of the book so I can start sending it out to agents.
Some of you already know that I have also started a second writing project: I'm collecting all of my blog entries as well as my journal entries and random bits I wrote down in various notebooks while I was in Madrid and putting them all in chronological order. When I've finished with that I'll decide if it's something I want to edit and send out as a book for publication.
It would be a sort of travel confessional. I'm not sure I've seen anything else like that so far, but there's got to be a first time for everything.
The main thing for me right now is that I'm excited I'm finally going to focus on my writing and really try to be a writer as a career instead of just having it be something I do while I'm working other jobs. It's a big, scary step for me. Until now I was content to believe that my failure was due to insufficient effort. I will no longer have that excuse.
07 August 2008
more cultural differences
I'm still sort of "unpacking" my time in Madrid, still figuring out how it has changed me.
I worked a temp job downtown Portland for a week and a half, and one of the things I noticed was how rude people seemed to me when they'd get on the elevator without saying hello.
Of course I remember that this is normal here, but after experiencing how the Spanish create a sense of community in their apartment buildings and work places, not verbally acknowledging other people's presence seems so cold and unnecessarily distant.
I've also noticed a cultural difference between Portland and Central Oregon.
In Portland when one interacts with strangers (e.g. ordering a coffee, speaking with a bank teller, etc.), there is a willingness on both ends to connect, to see the other person as a person, to be open to each other and quickly establish a friendly acquaintanceship.
But so far in Bend and Sisters, although people smile and ask you how you're doing, there is a coldness behind it, an insincerity, an emotional wall. They ask because it is expected of them, but I don't get the impression that these people actually see me as a person, that they want anything other than to get the business transaction over with.
I clearly prefer the Portland culture in this respect. I like to be treated as a respected friend by the random people I do business with or stand in line with. It makes me feel like a person.
I have no idea what could cause such differences in cities only a couple hundred miles from each other. Maybe it's the high desert and Bend's lack of greenery. Maybe it's the political climate. Or the types of people that are attracted to each place. Maybe people who live in the desert would prefer to be left alone. I dunno.
But it might account for a large part of why I had such a hard time connecting with people and making friends when I lived in Bend. And why I feel so much more comfortable and accepted in Portland.
I worked a temp job downtown Portland for a week and a half, and one of the things I noticed was how rude people seemed to me when they'd get on the elevator without saying hello.
Of course I remember that this is normal here, but after experiencing how the Spanish create a sense of community in their apartment buildings and work places, not verbally acknowledging other people's presence seems so cold and unnecessarily distant.
I've also noticed a cultural difference between Portland and Central Oregon.
In Portland when one interacts with strangers (e.g. ordering a coffee, speaking with a bank teller, etc.), there is a willingness on both ends to connect, to see the other person as a person, to be open to each other and quickly establish a friendly acquaintanceship.
But so far in Bend and Sisters, although people smile and ask you how you're doing, there is a coldness behind it, an insincerity, an emotional wall. They ask because it is expected of them, but I don't get the impression that these people actually see me as a person, that they want anything other than to get the business transaction over with.
I clearly prefer the Portland culture in this respect. I like to be treated as a respected friend by the random people I do business with or stand in line with. It makes me feel like a person.
I have no idea what could cause such differences in cities only a couple hundred miles from each other. Maybe it's the high desert and Bend's lack of greenery. Maybe it's the political climate. Or the types of people that are attracted to each place. Maybe people who live in the desert would prefer to be left alone. I dunno.
But it might account for a large part of why I had such a hard time connecting with people and making friends when I lived in Bend. And why I feel so much more comfortable and accepted in Portland.
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