white christmas

Got my white Christmas and it snowed even more last night. Is beautiful. Supposedly dumped 2 feet of new snow up on the pass, and we got at least six inches here at Mom's house. The picture is her front yard and looking across the street.

Being home is an interesting experience. When I got to Portland it felt like I'd never left, which was a little disappointing. I'd been hoping for a sweet ache of satisfaction after wanting, desperately at times, to be home again for so long. In the end I decided that what it means is that home will always be home. I will always belong in Portland. This is a relief. Deep in my heart, part of me has been worried that while I am in Spain my friends and family will learn to live without me and Portland will change to such a degree that there will be no place for me when I return. It is very important to me to belong somewhere and to have friends that bring out the best in me. Feeling like I never left has put those fears to rest and has made it possible for me to look on the next six months with a healthier, more optimistic attitude.

I have not written a word of the novel since I've been back. I haven't made time for it. But I don't feel too terribly guilty about that. I'll have plenty of time for writing when I first get back to Madrid, and beyond that the novel is something I'm doing in Madrid to help me channel all the feelings of anxiety, angst, confusion, etc. that come along with culture shock. It's my therapy to keep me sane abroad.

Time with the family has been what it always is: both comforting and challenging. We do best together when we're involved in a specific activity (walking, watching a movie, playing a game), but when we're all left to our own devices, people start competing for attention and that's when things get hairy. I have spent more time than you might think reading or hanging out in a corner by myself. I feel a little guilty about this because I know that this is the only time in nine months I will see my family, but on the other hand I don't want to lose my patience and have my interactions with family members be full of snippy comments and argument. Is a hard thing to balance.

in the Newark airport

So far have been traveling (including time it took to get to the airport) for approximately 13.5 hours. Ack! Our plane left Madrid about an hour late, but we arrived in Newark only 30 minutes behind schedule. Was surprised that passport control and customs were so friendly and non-threatening. Guess I am used to being treated with some hostility, though I suppose I only really have my England experience for reference.

When I checked in at Barajas this morning they gave me my boarding pass for the Newark-Portland flight also, and my ticket informed me that my flight time had been changed. Originally I was supposed to fly out of here at 5 something and arrive at PDX at 9pm, but now I'm not flying out until 7:25pm and arriving at PDX a little before 11pm. Nutters. I like airports and don't really mind waiting around, but I am anxious to get back to Oregon. But am happy to be back in the U.S. anway, which is odd because I was so impatient to leave it behind. Guess I have a newfound appreciation for my country. It's so clean and civilized, and people actually make an effort to appear friendly when you speak to them.

I cried a little in the Barajas airport this morning because I am so grateful to be coming home. I slept a lot on the plane, watched some TV, and tried to imagine going back to Madrid in two weeks. My heart rebels against the idea. But I am committed. At least until the end of February. Then I can reevaluate the situation.

But it's silly to think about that now. I'm going home! I might have Taco Bell for dinner tonight! I get to see my friends and family for the next two whole weeks!!! My tears are tears of love and gratitude.

just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling

Have been trying really hard not to think too much about the fact that I am going to be home tomorrow. I think my heart might burst from longing and anticipation.

Besides, first I have to get through 21 and a half hours of airports and airplanes. By the time I get to PDX it will be 6am Madrid time the day after I left.

Last night I dreamed I was running. And that I was free.

things are looking up

Hooray! Brother is coming to Christmas after all! Double, no, TRIPLE hooray!!!

Also found a good gift or two for Mom, and Dad finally gave me a couple suggestions for his gift, so am happy about that as well.

Also got long and very satisfying email from friend CJ and am feeling reconnected to her.

Still no New Year's plans, but am convinced that we will find something stimulating to do. After all, we ARE the party... =*)

Six days until I come home!!!