the pop culture death trap

Those of you who know me well already know that I have a secret, shameful obsession with reality & makeover shows such as What Not to Wear and America's Next Top Model. Well now the rest of you know too.

I spent pretty much all of yesterday watching TV online. The shows that managed to capture my attention for hours and hours on end? I would like to say I was watching The Colbert Report or Discovery Channel documentaries, but the sad truth is I watched the entire first season of Canada's Next Top Model and the entire season of America's Most Smartest Model. Of course the worst part is that I get sucked into these shows and choose favorites and become outraged and even cry at times. Oh dear.

Yes, it's true, I'm a huge geek who should know better but who still gets caught up in the drama of evil money-making industries such as the beauty and fashion industry. What can I say? We none of us are perfect.

Also very very excited because I found a place online to watch the new season of Battlestar Galactica. YYEEESSSSS!!!! During the day the site doesn't work as well, so I have to wait until tonight to watch the second episode, and I'm practically holding my breath until then. LOVE LOVE LOVE BSG!!!

Speaking of things I like, there's this blog that one of my Facebook friends introduced me to that I've been tracking. It's called Stuff White People Like. Although I don't relate to each and every post, I do think the writing is good and exposes, in a tongue-in-cheek manner, some of the quirks of mainstream white American culture. Unfortunately Target just bought the site and will begin to use it as another avenue for advertising, so I doubt the site will continue to be as interesting. I highly recommend the older posts though.

I have been exhausted exhausted EXHAUSTED lately, so I gave myself the afternoon off today, slept until 6pm (evidently needed to catch up a little), went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, made a proper dinner (porkchops and pisto with rice), straightened my room, finally wrote my end-of-month report for one of my agencies. Am feeling rested, relaxed and productive. I think I'm going to spend a lot of time doing nothing this weekend in the name of continuous recouperation. Also because I'm sick of going out.

Yesterday on the train I had the sudden realization that there was nothing stopping anyone from lighting my hair on fire. If someone decided to take out a lighter and light my hair on fire, I probably wouldn't notice until it was too late and I doubt anyone else would notice until I started freaking out.

There's also nothing stopping someone from sticking a knife in my gut or slashing my face with a razor or wiping their snot on my arm or spitting on me or doing any number of things.

Morbid? Yes, perhaps I am. But the point is not that I'm living in perpetual fear that these things might happen. The point is that I live in perpetual wonder that these things DON'T happen. That I'm surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people every day, many of whom look at me because I stick out like a sore thumb in this crowd, but none of them are the right kind of crazy to do random bad shit to strangers. It seems proof to me of humanity's essential goodness.

Or maybe it's just proof that I'm crazier than most because these thoughts even occur to me.

updates

My morning class was cancelled today so I got to sleep in until 11am, but I'm still exhausted. Had a really busy weekend with many social engagements: drinks Thursday night with Megs and Andrew, lunch Friday with Martín, dinner and drinks Friday night with the Spanish ex-roommates, hiking Saturday day, drinks Saturday night with Marta and Emma, TtMadrid picnic Sunday afternoon. Am looking forward to being a recluse this week, just sticking to work and home and going to bed early whenever possible. And nursing the sunburn I got while hiking on Saturday.

I went out on three dates with that guy Carlos I'd met hiking over a month ago, but there are no sparks so I won't be seeing him again unless just as friends.

Mom and I are planning a trip together & I'm really excited about it. She's coming in late June and we'll go to Sevilla, Córdoba, Paris and the Loire Valley. Her best friend from high school, Pam, might come do the France part with us too. Hooray! Then I'll head home on July 9th. Double hooray!

Very excited about going home for the summer. If anyone knows someone who has a room to rent for July and August, please let me know. I'd like to be within Portland city limits and I'm looking to pay around $350/mo. all-inclusive.

decision

Have figured it out. I'll have enough money to move to Munich. Will buy my plane ticket in the next few days. Am thinking of it like this: if I don't like it or I don't find a job within a month, I can go home to Portland. Worst case scenario, I'll have had a 2-month vacation in Germany.

reasons to not move to Munich

-Another year away from my family and friends, whom I love dearly and miss terribly
-Starting over and being lonely again (although it's this very lonliness that I'd count on to help me write my novel)
-I'd have to miss Nik and Jessica's wedding in October
-It would be harder to stay in shape with all that delicious German food around (though I suppose same is true if I move home)
-Another year of my car sitting useless in the garage while I pay insurance on it
-Another year of keeping my stuff in storage
-Moving is expensive

I have to say that so far I've been consistently enthusiastic about moving to Munich in the fall. As much as I miss my friends and family (which is lots and lots!), my thirst for adventure, for experiencing new cultures and languages, has not yet been quenched. I'm lucky in that the friends and family to whom I've mentioned this idea to so far have been very supportive: they say of course they will miss me but they want me to follow my heart. And it makes sense to me to live abroad while I'm still in a position to do so. In the end, I think the deciding factor will be money.