The marks of civilization

I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey lately, so I'm feeling rather snooty. I'm always affected in some way by the things I watch or read that I get really into. As a result of watching that show and of traveling out of Portland for the holidays, I've come to realize that there are certain signs that help me recognize when I'm in a civilized (or less civilized) place.

In Downton Abbey the marks of civilization include running water, electricity, and a telephone (or two, if you're really rich). Some of the characters also define civilized as having enough footmen to serve dinner without bringing the maids into the dining room and having spare valets available for overnight guests.

I am not content with running water, electricity and a phone. Those things are important, of course, but I take them entirely for granted and assume that even uncivilized places have those things. And I don't care two figs for having a bunch of servants. (To tell the truth, I would be made uncomfortable by the idea that someone else was to help dress me and serve me dinner, as Matthew was when he first came to Downton.) Even so, what I consider to be the marks of civilization are still heavily influenced by my socio-economic class and the customs in my particular geographic location.

The Marks of Civilization, According to Sione:

Unisex bathrooms. In a little town about halfway between Portland and Bend, there's a market that I usually stop at for a bathroom break on the way over the mountain. This market has gender-specific bathrooms. I've been spoiled in Portland by the prevalence of unisex bathrooms; it's usually the women who have to wait longer than the men, so unisex bathrooms means that everyone has to wait (or no one, if there's no line). I consider this to be much more fair and therefore more civilized than gendered bathrooms. Designating bathrooms by gender seems to me as barbaric as designating bathrooms by race.

Some will argue that men are messier than women and need a urinal in addition to a toilet, so it's actually in women's best interest to have a separate bathroom so they don't have to wallow in the same filth as the men. To which I say: Do men usually have a urinal at home? And since when do civilized men smear shit all over the bathroom walls and/or piss all over the place. We are talking about the marks of civilization, after all.

Paper toilet seat covers in public restrooms. In several places I've lived, paper toilet seat covers were far from the norm. In Massachusetts, for example, they never seem to have caught on. Or Madrid. In Madrid, in fact, you are lucky if there's any toilet paper in a public restroom past 10pm. I often found myself sitting on my hands and praying the tap water would get really hot, since there was rarely any soap either. And then I'd dry my hands on my pants, since there weren't any paper towels.

One of my favorite bars in Portland doesn't have toilet seat covers, and every time I reach for the toilet paper to lay down on the seat, I feel a little proud of myself for feeling so comfortable in such a gritty place.

No styrofoam takeout containers at restaurants. Portland has outlawed them because they're bad for the environment. Now when I go to restaurants outside the city limits (or to a restaurant within city limits that ignores the law), I feel a stab of pity for these poor people who haven't yet stepped into the 21st century.

No plastic bags at supermarkets. Portland has outlawed plastic grocery bags too, again citing environmental reasons. I did hear that there was a rather long discussion among local lawmakers about whether plastic bags were more harmful than paper in the long run, and I believe the conclusion reached was that it doesn't much matter either way. Still, we must have a war on something, and since plastic bags have no feelings and no lives to lose, it seems better to have a war on them than on another country.

No land lines. I haven't had a land line in over 10 years. What's the point? Everyone these days has a cell phone. It's always on, and it travels with them. What's the point in calling a land line when there's a smaller chance of catching a person at home than wherever else they may be? What's the point in having a land line when only telemarketers and pollsters call it?
 
Good cell phone reception. Something approaching a sense of panic overcomes me whenever I drive over the pass and have no cell phone service for about two hours. What if there's a wreck and my arrival is delayed? I have no way to communicate with my mother, who just about has a heart attack if I answer the phone with my mouth full because she's worried it means I'm bound and gagged in someone's basement. (Love you, Mom!) Or say I'm not driving over the pass or anywhere else familiar. Say I'm driving around in the country trying to find a friend's house. How am I supposed to call them for directions when I get lost if there's no cell phone reception? How anyone can live way out there is beyond me.

Free wi-fi at all bars, coffee shops & restaurants. In fact, I think there should be world-wide wi-fi coverage. Why not? We've almost done it with cell phones. Certainly there must be some way to cover the world in a web of Internet access at minimal cost to taxpayers. Surely. And I hope they get around to it soon, because I found it incredibly annoying when I was at the bank the other day and went to ask Siri (on my iPad mini) where the nearest Bath & Body Works was and she was unavailable because the bank didn't have wi-fi. I mean really.